I didn’t realize it until I sat down to write this, but the Lord has been teaching me an insane amount about trust throughout this last semester.
It really is a beautiful part of relationship with Him to trust so much and be obedient and know that it really WILL work out in His time and in His plan. Back in January I didn’t truly view God as my Father. I saw Jesus as my brother, I saw Holy Spirit as my guide, but viewing God as a father was more difficult than I even could comprehend. But that is where the beauty comes in. He is father, and being the good father consists of qualities that our earthly dads may or may not have. He is protector, He is good shepard, He is love, and He is one who we are able to trust wholeheartedly.
I’ve seen this in little and big ways throughout the semester. One was in regards to my college algebra test.
I BOMBED the first test. I mean that I got a 42 when I went in really believing I was gonna ace it. I called my mom in tears, telling her I was gonna drop the class and I had a whole breakdown about if I was gonna be smart and hardworking enough to make it through college at all. That one test totally made me doubt things. She convinced me to stay in the class, and I worked harder than I ever could, but I also formed a reliance on the Lord. I know it may seem wild, but I started taking every test with Him in mind. I prayed prayers before telling Him that He meant more to me than the test score, and then rejoiced when my grade on the next one went up even a few points. I ended up passing the class with a grade I’m proud of. He’s not just worthy to be trusted in big, miraculous ways, but He is worthy to be trusted to help us pass the next test in college.
Recently I’ve been turning my focus to trust Him with funds more than ever before. I had a mindset-changing conversation with my mentor about this. I was expressing some concerns about being able to do it, being able to raise $5000 when my family is in a season of struggling with money more than ever. It almost seems selfish to even be considering doing something that is so far outside of our budget while also having my mom pay for college tuition. But the thing is that God’s money is God’s money. He could create an influx of it or strip every penny from any of us in a second. Point being, Jeannie reminded me that God SPOKE the earth into existence. He SPOKE us into humans from the dust. Words have POWER. So I started speaking with a heart set on trust rather than fueling fire of my doubts. And yes maybe I feel behind raising funds and it’s not coming as quickly as I really wish it would, but I have gotten so much prayer and confirmation over this trip. That’s better than money. I met a man at a Christmas party this week who I had never seen before, and He prayed with me for a long time about these funds coming in, and encouraged me so much that He will finish the work that was began in us, and He has for sure created a craving in me for more of His ministry (Philippians 1:6).
The following day, I met a girl who had done ministry in Thailand last summer, and we conversed about the food and the people and what I should do if we have time in the plan (if you’re wondering, she said the night markets are the place to be).
So I will continue to trust, and I know God will continue to bring encouragement, prayer, and the rest of the $4000 in whatever way that may be.
Thank you to all of you who have supported me so far in this journey. Every cent donated and word spoken means the world to me.
