Hello friends!!
I feel I need to share a little bit of my story and how the Lord has brought me to this place in my life. Throughout this past school year, I struggled with the college decision process. I visited schools multiple times, I wrote out pros and cons lists (because I’m just that type of person), I went back and forth envisioning myself at different schools, but still nothing set right with my soul. I had anxiety about it and I just knew deep down that college was not the next step for me this fall. It just took me a while to realize it!
I have always desired deep and raw community. Throughout high school, I longed for that community where we are constantly lifting each other up and pointing one towards Jesus. Where we will genuinely pray for a brother or sister in need. Where love exudes in every word and action. Oftentimes, I have found myself getting frustrated with everyday life. I get frustrated with the busyness and distractions of it all. I get frustrated with the idolization of the things of this world that we put such an emphasis on. I get caught up in these things too, and when I take a step back and look, I get so upset–upset because we are missing the mark. We’re missing our purpose in life. And that’s worshipping and serving our Creator. This life is not about us. This life is not about the number of Instagram likes we get or what we’re doing this Friday night or how we look to everybody else.
Now trust me, I am writing this to myself as well because I fall guilty to this far too often. I have found myself getting caught up in the social media game. Not only does social media distract us from our spiritual lives, but it encourages us to indulge in ourselves and our earthly pleasures and selfish desires. It feeds the ego and sometimes masks and provokes insecurity all at the same time. (I could go on about social media, but I’ll save that for later). However, recently I was looking at social media and I audibly said, “Enough of this self-centeredness, I just want to focus on Jesus.”
And that’s the point I’ve come to in my life–I just want Jesus.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” – Hebrews 12:2
I am training myself to let Him be the first thing I think of in the morning. When I wake up, I want my first thought to be about Jesus, not how tired I am or what I have to do today. When I got to sleep at night, Jesus. As I go about my daily life, Jesus.
This upcoming season of my life I will have the opportunity to abandon this life that I’ve known and embark on a journey of a lifetime as I pursue the heart of my Father.
Recently in my devotion, I read a quote by Thomas Merton that says,
“God utters me like a word containing a partial thought of himself. A word will never be able to comprehend the voice that utters it. But if I am true to the concept God utters in me, if I am true to the thought in Him I was meant to embody, I shall be full of His actuality and find Him everywhere in myself, and find myself nowhere. I shall be lost in Him.”
And lost in Him is where I want to be.
In ten short days, I will be leaving the city I have called home my whole life. I will be leaving the wonderful friends I’ve made, and the people whom I love the most, my dear family.
I start to panic a little bit as I sort through my things and wonder how I’m gonna stuff my life in a backpack for nine months.
But then I think back to what I’ve been desiring all along–total abandonment of everything I’ve ever known. Abandonment of this facade that I’ve felt like I’ve had to keep up. Abandonment of fake everyday conversations. Abandonment of caring too much about the clothes I wear, etc. So the simplicity of living out of what’s on my shoulders actually sings music to my soul. And the community that I’ve already experienced from my teammates is the sweetest and richest thing I’ve felt in a long time.
So I breathe a little when I think about packing and saying goodbyes. And I move on with peace. Because this is where the Lord has me in this season of life. I can even look back and see where the Lord has truly been preparing me for this my whole life. And it’s a beautiful thing.
“Perhaps this is the moment for which you’ve been created for.” – Esther 4:14
I am honored and humbled to be the hands and feet of Jesus in these next months. My team’s ministry in Costa Rica will be working at a school in a little suburb outside of San Jose. There we will be teaching English, cleaning, working in the office, and just loving on kids and being a part of their community.
In the other countries we’re visiting, our ministry could be anything from working with organizations in orphan care, landscaping, human trafficking and bar ministry, feeding, construction, or street ministry.
I am so deeply excited! I only become nervous when I start thinking about the earthly, selfish aspects to the Race. But then I focus on Jesus and the reason I’m doing this and I’m filled with peace.
Would you consider partnering with me as I go on this journey for the Kingdom? I have around $5,000 left until I am fully funded!!! Any amount is so appreciated. And all donations are tax deductible WOOHOO! I can’t do this without you people! If you don’t feel led to give a monetary donation, would you consider praying for me as I prepare to leave and continue to pray while on the Race?
Also, if you’re in Knoxville, hit me up because I wanna see everyone’s beautiful faces and squeeze them before I leave!!!
Joyfully in Christ,
Abbey
