Alright you guys, here it is…the World Race is hard.
Although I have had some of the best times of my life since being on the Race, things haven’t always been easy. I know on social media it looks like everything is fine and dandy—and usually it is—however, one never seems to post the real and raw moments.
Homesickness has really been hitting hard since being in Africa.
It’s hard not being home during the holiday season. Actually no, it’s hard not even being in America during the holiday season.
It’s hard being in a place that is so foreign, and there are days you just want to be home.
It’s honestly not easy having people shout “muzungu”, which means “white person” in their native tongue, all the time.Young and old, male and female, every time you walk past them you hear it. Some days it is funny and endearing. Other days, it just gets old and you wish so desperately you were around people like you.
It’s not easy when there are way too many people crammed on a bus and there are random men sitting on your lap. It’s not easy when everyone on the bus is turning around and looking at you, saying something in a language you don’t understand, and laughing. It’s those days when you wish you weren’t such a spectacle. There are times when you just want to shout “Yes, I am white! Yes, I have blonde hair and it’s in a messy bun on the top of my head! I know, it’s hilarious!” (But then I remember that I haven’t looked at a mirror in a while and that I’m sure I do look quite hilarious).
It’s not always easy having kids fighting over holding your hands and grabbing onto anything they can. There are some days when it’s the best and you never want to let go. And then there are other days when your patience is running thin and you just want to shake them off and be able to breathe for a little bit.
It’s not easy eating the same thing over and over again. Rice, noodles, potatoes. Oh, how my body loves those carbs! Ha..haha..ha.
It’s not easy taking bucket showers.
It’s not easy having diarrhea in a squatty potty. (HOLLA @ that African diet!!!)
It’s not easy falling asleep to the noise of rodents in the walls and on the roof.
It’s not easy having zero independence. Sometimes all you really want to do is be able to have the freedom to drive your car around town and buy yourself a holiday flavored Starbucks and then go find your “happy place” (aka stroll through Target).
It’s not easy knowing that your family is together right now for the holidays. It’s not easy knowing all your friends are back home from college and are able to see each other, sleep in their beds, and hug the people they love and have missed.
It’s not easy traveling 30 minutes (on the buses that I love SO MUCH) to go pay for wifi. And then when you usually go, it’s 3 am for the people back at home, so communication is scarce.
It’s not easy knowing that after my time in Africa is over, I am still not halfway done with the Race.
So needless to say, all of this can be overwhelming at times. In fact, so overwhelming that I just can’t wait to be home.
But then Lord reminds me that I am going to miss it here in this little village in Rwanda.
I’m gonna miss the people I have come to love here.
I’m gonna miss all the kids running up to me and grabbing me.
I’m gonna miss being called a muzungu.
When I’m home, I’m gonna wish I was in Africa, cozied up in our little living room, drinking instant coffee (yeah, I might not actually miss that), and having quiet time with my girls.
So, why would I wish for my time on the Race to go by quickly when I will never be on another adventure like this with the exact same people again in my life?
Why would I wish to be home when I know I’m gonna wish I was in Africa when I am home?
C.S. Lewis says “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
It’s human nature be so excited for what’s ahead rather than focusing on the now. We just can’t wait for the next season of life or the next big adventure. We feel that that’s going to change everything and we’ll be happier when we’re there. But then what happens when we get there? It’s not exactly as we expected and we long for things of the past or we keep looking ahead for things in the future, rather than enjoying where we are.
But we can’t help but feel this way because our souls were not made for this world. On earth, we will always have this longing for something else, because deep down we really are longing for that something else.
For me, I could not wait to launch and be on the Race. Life would be so much better. My days would be filled with fun and adventure and ministry. And I thought my relationship with Jesus would be great all the time. Now that I’m on the Race, not all of this is true everyday. And now I can’t wait for life back home and I think that it will be so much better. I daydream about starting college and living a life that looks different than how I left. It’s easy to think that everything is going to be better and easier in the future. But I have not and will not be able to fully satisfy my soul with experiences on this earth because no matter where I go, my soul longs for a different place—a place that I was truly created for and where everything will be complete.
On earth, a place will never make you content. A feeling will never make you content. Your comforts will never make you content. Even people will never make you feel truly content.
So what does? How do we cope with the feeling of desiring something else other than what we have?
One of our squad leaders gave us a verse one morning when we were all struggling with homesickness. In Philippians 4:11-13, it says “for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
The secret of being content is simple: it’s Jesus. Sure, we can try to find our contentment in earthy things. And yes, sometimes it does work, but only for a little bit and then it fades. Then we desire the next thing in life.
I should be content in where I am because I have Jesus and He is all I need. He is my strength and my sustainer. I know how it feels to have plenty and I know how it feels to be in want. I know how it feels to be well fed and I know how it feels to “not be well fed” (I use this phrase loosely because although the diet is lacking many nutrients we are still well fed compared to most of the world). But once again, that’s not what makes me content or not content. It’s not a matter of whether my heart feels like it or not because contentment isn’t an emotion. It’s a side effect of knowing and loving Christ.
So I’m content. I’m content in this African village this holiday season. I’m content with the food even though it’s not what my body wants or needs. I’m content with my clothing and wearing the same thing over and over again and it starting to smell some type of way. I’m content with falling asleep to rodent noises. I’m content with being halfway around the world, away from my family and my friends and my home. I’m content because I have Jesus, and He is all I need. And he promises that this is for now, not forever.
So I rest in that.
And I am able to focus on the tasks at hand. I am able to focus on community with my team and growing deeper and deeper with the Lord. I am able to focus on ministry and building the Kingdom. I am able to focus on living in the present and not clinging to the past or dreaming about the future. And when that happens, the upsetting feelings of homesickness begin to resolve.
And Jesus and the true contentment that He provides is all I can thank for that.
Hallelujah, amen.
P.S. I have SO MANY things I want to tell you about Africa and what the Lord is doing in the people of the town and in my own heart. So I will try to crank out some more blogs! Thank you for reading friends!
P.S.S. ALSO, all I want for Christmas is to stay on the World Race and I have about $4,000 until I am fully funded! So any donation is appreciated! And if you do not feel led to donate, please consider praying for me as I continue on this journey. Thank you so much!
And…
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! This holiday season, I hope that you hug your family a little tighter, stay in the present, and rest in His true contentment.
And rejoice, for our Savior is born!
— Abbey
