It’s 4:28 in the morning and I’m in the Dominican Republic. I’m IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC! I’m doing great things for the Kingdom with a church in the area. My team and I are teaching English and investing time into children that we can’t even vocally understand. Opportunities have come my way to help improve the foundation of the church I’m teamed up with. I’m doing great things by most standards and what I have always wanted to do for the Body of Christ. So why in the world am I struggling with being present and not distracted?
During this season I’ve been in the race for 8 months now and I’ve been thrown through the storm. I’ve went through team changes, learned how to give good feedback to teammates, grown intellectually and spiritually. I’ve made a huge difference in the world with the help of the Spirit. They’re all good things but they’re also draining. I’m just letting you know where I’m at, church.
I’m struggling with the idea of being done with the race but also ready for a break. I’m tired of having 44 different opinions when it comes to ministry. Always having to change how I want to do something to benefit someone else. I’ve been traveling and unloading all of my energy on other people for so long. I go country by country helping the orphan and the widow. It’s hard saying goodbye over and over again after helping each month. I’m so emotionally drained from it all. Those are just my emotions right now. It doesn’t even stop there. My gear is almost just as bad during travel.
I’ve went through two sleeping pads and I need to buy a new one because the one I have is leaking air. My big bag is barely holding together as I backpack through my final two countries. The clothes I have are torn and worn, and not attractive by any means. My daypack, or small backpack, is torn at the top and can barely hold anything anymore. That’s just the physical wear and tear of my luggage. I’m so tired of spending dollar after dollar on things that I wish would last.
I’m emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained right now. I am enjoying my race and believe me I’m loving helping the ministries I’m with, but I just want a couple of days away from everything. I want to have a day where I’m not having to think of everyone around me. I want to be able to just think of me for one day. Just a day to relax and leave everything.
I think that’s why it’s getting hard. The U.S. is so close where my closest friends and family are. It would be so easy to just go home right now. Trust me the temptation is real when it comes to that, but I also know my job isn’t done yet. I still have two and a half months of people to love on and three other ministries that the Lord has put in my path. Even though I’m a little tired, the Lord will give me the energy to push through. In reality, what is my baggage other than stuff that can be replaced?
I wouldn’t trade THE WORLD RACE for anything. It’s something so amazing and I have grown so much from it. Just pray for me, church, as I push through these final months. Thank you to everyone who has helped me on this journey. I love you all.
