It’s been three months and two days since I returned home from the Race. I’ve seen friends, thanked those individuals and organizations who supported me, found a job, and was even in a wedding. Those things are wonderful reasons to have returned but any time I’m alone I’m thinking of the Race and the people with whom I shared my life. I think of the beginning of the Race with my team and the small petty disagreements we had and how they later positively influenced my outlook on life. How I was blessed with the opportunity to be with 6 amazing men of God for two months was and how a lifetime of brotherhood was Created. The fact that I was put on a team for the final 7 months built an inseparable bond. I got to spend every day with them and I miss them so much and even more, the ministry we shared together.
I think back to the child I held in India who stole my heart completely, the young ones in a small Cambodian village that got to go bowling for the first time and the joy they had in their eyes. Traveling through Namibia with no idea where to go but trusting the Lord to guide me like the North Star, appropriate since I was there in December, providing me places to stay and food to eat on a small budget, and all while finding nine possible future contacts for ministry. I went into the Dominican Republic and loved some kids so much while also preaching to a population who just wanted to hear the goodness of the Lord. I miss it all.
I miss everything that was and is the Race. I miss the views, different cultures, unity, and incomparable love from teammates. I sit here and think about how bad I want to be there but I’m here. A question that runs through my mind is, “why do I have to be here?” My love for the work the Lord called me to overcomes my love for the common job and I want to be there. I feel agony and tears as I go day-to-day trying to fill my schedule so I don’t have to constantly think about the empty void of not being “out there”. All I want is to love children again, serve the impoverished and see the beautiful smiles of little ones jumping on me once more.
I’m learning patience and understanding in this season. In the words of my good friend Kent Cranford, “and that’s ok”. I hate being here and I want to be there. I’m thankful for the friends and family who have made me feel so loved since I’ve been home. They’ve fought for me and are a constant encouragement. I’m grateful because they know where my heart is.
Continue praying for me guys as I fight in this season. I love you all.
