Talk about warfare. I haven’t been able to post a blog in nearly three weeks. Before unleashing us upon the dumps, my coach, Gary Black, stood me up in front of the rest of the squad to tell me that I needed to continue to glorify God through my writing. Yet here I am, a month into the race, without any published blogs or stories to glorify my King. With writing being such a passion of mine, how could this have happened? Bad luck? No, bad luck is just probability taken personally. A series of unfortunate events? I don’t think so, and I never really got into the books. No, I haven’t been able to post a blog in nearly three weeks because of some serious ongoing spiritual warfare. Even though the battle is already won, the Gospel of John reminds us that Satan is the father of lies; his strategy is to thwart God’s purposes here on earth as much as possible. That means specifically to prevent non-believers from placing faith in Christ and to prevent Christians from being effective disciples of Jesus.
I’ve had to overcome a lot of struggles this month. I’ve battled physical sickness in myself and in my teammates. We’ve had diarrhea, fevers, headaches, coughs, stomach pains, sleeplessness, and breathing difficulties. I’ve even taken one teammate to the emergency room. Additionally, there have been moments of emotional heartache. As team leader, I’ve had to address the team on difficult and sometimes painful issues. It would be easy to lead a team of friendly acquaintances, but leading a team full of people with whom I have fallen in love is proving to be a heavy responsibility and my greatest challenge. Last week, my dearest personal testimony was attacked. I wrote a heartfelt and Spirit-led blog about God living here in the Red Light District, and was told recently that I had to remove it from my site. On top of everything, my brand new computer one morning completely ceased to turn on and has been broken ever since. I cannot retrieve any of my beautiful pictures or videos from the Philippines, nor can I access my journal entries or blogs that were ready to publish. Finally, I recently discovered that my sweet grandmother has just passed away.
With all that being said, God has granted me patience–the ability to endure injuries inflicted by others and the willingness to accept irritating or painful situations. I want to share some heavenly light at the end of each tunnel, because James reminds us to consider it pure joy when we encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces endurance.
As for the battles with sickness, we are fortunate. Every believer can rejoice because we can find His joy in our sorrow and His strength in our weakness. Indescribable joy is a most precious gift from God, and I am thankful that He bears such incredible fruits in our lives regardless of the fickle cries of our flesh. Joy is a holy happiness based on unchanging divine promises and eternal spiritual realities. It is the sense of well being experienced by one who knows all is well between him or herself and the Lord (1 Peter 1:8). Joy is never the result of favorable circumstances; in fact, the Bible testifies that it occurs even when circumstances are painful and severe.
As for the responsibility as a team leader, I rest in my Lord’s hands, for He placed us together and He will see through to completion the good works He has begun in us. I prayed most during training camp for God’s direction to cover the team-building process, and He has answered my prayers. I’ve been blessed with six distinct teammates, all of whom provide daily encouragement and love in their own unique ways. I’m learning more and more that a leader’s place is never to desire the lime light, but to desire to enable others to grow and shine in their giftings. God is granting me a heart that breaks for each of my team members–it is becoming a true delight to facilitate an environment in which they can glorify God to the best of their individual talents and abilities. I want to see John mature in his responsibilities and to continue developing a heart for children so that he may pour out his love in order to guide and protect little ones from the influences of this world. I want to see Marisa finish this race with a clear understanding of what it means to be the beautiful woman of God that He has already begun to craft so that she may edify the Lord in all of her future relationships. I want to see Bekah find the affection she desires from God so that she may become like a river of living water that receives His wondrous affection and constantly pours it back out to those who are in such desperate need of it. I want to see Steph turn her God-given charisma and contagious enthusiasm into evangelizing tools used to inspire and rally the church for the glory of the Lord. I want to see Janina continue to shine with heaven’s favor as she sheds all personal inhibitions in order to transform her numerous blessings into glorifying praises to the King of Kings. And finally, I want to see Elizabeth find harmony in the duality of her many anointed roles: she is a lion and a lamb, a warrior and a peacemaker, a student and a teacher, a mother and a daughter.
As for my dearest testimony about God living in the Red Light District and the other lost blogs, pictures, and videos, I rest in the fact that the Lord is my strength. I must remind myself that my fulfillment is unconditional and uncircumstantial. I don’t need polished blogs or beautiful pictures, but every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. I don’t want to seek or desire the lavish fruits of an exotic and exciting ministry, but rather the true fruits of a Spirit-filled life: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. It would be nice to share my pictures and videos of the Philippines with my children someday, but it is better yet to share with them the life-lessons, biblical principles, and godly wisdom that has been founded here.
As for my grandmother, I trust that I will see her again. In fact, it excites me to imagine seeing her again without the constraints of our imperfect physical bodies. When I was very young, Alzheimer’s disease began to take away her mind. While I have vague memories of her before the affliction, when it began I was too young to really have known her. In my earliest memories, I remember a very forgetful and very sweet old lady who would ask me how tall I was five or six times per visit. In my later memories, I remember being aware of her illness and sensing the pain in those who knew her best as she struggled to remember who they were. I don’t think she ever knew that her husband passed away or that her daughters visited her regularly to give her love that could no longer be physically received. My last memory of her is a few days before leaving on the World Race. Her body seemed to be on auto-pilot, with only the most basic, life-regulating processes intact, but her spirit was alive and well, and will continue to be alive and well forevermore. My mom encouraged me to say goodbye to her, because I think she somehow knew it would be the last time I would see her on this earth. Mom, I want you to know how proud I am to have witnessed your strength and persistence throughout such a slow and difficult process, and for your genuine love for her until the very end. I know you wished that I could have known her inner beauty before her mind became afflicted, but know that you couldn’t have changed that. There is, however, one important thing over which God did give you responsibility and influence–me. And in my upbringing, you’ve done all that you could do to make sure that I’m on the right track to one day see her inner beauty for myself. I’ll be there.
