When thinking about community, one of the first things to figure out is how you fit in. I admit, over the course of this race, it has been very difficult for me. Coming from a place where I knew who I was (or so I thought) to a place where I didn’t know much of anything is a tough transition. We got to know each other, learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and love unconditionally through the whole process. We find out what we’re good at and we encourage each other in it. We see what God sees in a person and we celebrate it.
For me, it has been a struggle. Things that I had confidence (pride) in before I left, God has broken me of, and through my weaknesses God has made himself strong. It has been painful. And you feel like you have nothing left, but then God shows up and coaches you through it all so that you can finish the race strong. When you quit trying to do it on your own, he says, ok, now I can work.
I thought I was “gifted” at certain things. I knew that others I did mainly because no one else would. I knew that there were some things that I just flat out was insecure about. One of those things was leading worship…
I began playing guitar when I was 16. I was absolutely terrible to begin with. Even now, I consider myself average at best. My voice…oh no. Wow, when I first started singing while I was playing it was an absolute nightmare. I couldn’t hold a note or sing on key for the life of me. And now, I’m no superstar, just average. So, when I found out that I was one of two of us who brought a guitar on the race, fear struck me. Over the last few years I had been a “just in case our lead guy’s not there” kinda guy. So I was never a consistent worship leader. I knew that it was going to be a stretch this year. Fortunately, Danny has had much more experience and is able to lead a lot of times. While I was in Africa though, God smacked me on the back of the head. And it came through my teammate Traci. I was expressing how inadequate and incapable I felt as a worship “leader”. I felt that I couldn’t sing the best or I couldn’t play guitar phenomenally. I told her how nervous I would get just standing up there sometimes. To that, Traci responded (and I’ll paraphrase this part)…
Really?? You’re really concerned about that? Aaron, you’re right. You don’t have this superstar voice but you can carry a tune. You aren’t rocking out on the guitar, but you play well. It’s for that very reason that it’s your gift. Because when you worship, others follow suit. It doesn’t matter that you’re not amazing, it’s you’re heart. That’s why it’s a gift because God does show up. You can’t do it on your own, you need him.
Ok. So I broke. Over time I had conditioned myself to believe that you had to be super talented. I would have totally missed a way that I could minister to the body of Christ if I had continued believing that. Gifts are just that. They are things we don’t deserve, but God gives them to us anyway. Not only that, but they are best utilized when it is him operating through them. This has been one of the most freeing revelations that God has given me on this trip. When we are ministering to the body of Christ, it is his Holy Spirit that moves through the gifts and not us. On our own, we are incapable. I have been freed to worship without it feeling like it is something I have to do that I’m not the greatest at. That’s how we function as a body. Each one allowing God to use him to do his part. All he cares about is the “yes” attitude in your heart.
