This journey of awakening and deeper intimacy with Jesus is a season of my life where words, pictures, and videos don’t do justice to what the Lord is doing. So much of my thoughts are enclosed in my journal entries that reveal the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the goodness of the Lord. My hope is that by sharing some of these entries you will be able to see past me to the One who stands behind me, a reflection of Jesus and all He has done.
8.12.18 The Dominican Republic
I’ve gotten several feedbacks about how I tend to over-talk, sometimes to the point where others are not able to have an input. I don’t mean to make anyone feel overlooked. But quite honestly, it hurts. I know I signed up for this accountability. But my flesh wants to be annoyed and offended. I can’t let these feelings stop the conviction that is happening within me. I need to see what the Lord wants me to learn. I can’t go on living life being easily offended. I want to grow and change for Him.
The Lord wants me to be more disciplined and refined with the words that I speak. So I’ve decided to do a one day “no talking fast”. It is not meant to separate me from my community, rather it is a form of loving them because I am taking time to observe and listen. Here’s some words that I heard while I listened:
- You don’t have to talk to be loved. – Christian Cudworth
- If you want new fruit then you need new roots. – Sunday Sermon with Wesley
- You can’t think your way to Heaven. – Levi Corbett
- Charity, Alison, and Levi have beautiful singing voices
- I will restore. Be patient and stay with me. – Jesus
- At times I need to be in the moment instead of behind the lens. – Tyler Lebeau
- Listening to Hannah, LeAnn, and Shelby’s testimonies during lunch reminded me of how unique our relationships are with Jesus.
- You can worship me in so many ways. Even your laughter is a sweet sound to my ears. – Jesus
9.17.18 Haiti
The past few days have been humbling moments. I see the people in this community and the impoverished conditions that they live in. Many of the children have worn the same clothing or none, and many don’t have shoes. I get concerned about their little feet as they run on the sandy, rocky roads. But, then I realize that they have feet far tougher than mine. Their faces are full of smiles when they see us. They run up to us in groups, jump on our backs, and hold our hands. They’re so eager to play and so simple to please. I have nothing to give them but my time and my energy. And, this is enough for them. They just want to be near you. They just want to feel your love. They just want you to see them.
I don’t know if they’ll ever understand how much they reflect Jesus in that way. If I can love these children can’t I too love my Father, the One who created all of us and bonds us in this passionate way.
Lord, I’m sorry for the times when I couldn’t love you. Teach me how to love. Remind me every time I hold a child’s hand that it’s really Your hand that I’m holding. Allow me to feel Your love through them. Allow me to take whatever I have and pour it into their tiny hearts. Let my faith be just like theirs. Let me be a child again so that I may grow in Your ways.
