As I mentioned in my last post (forever ago), this life seems surreal. Either I’m dreaming today or what went on this past year. It’s been absolutely INSANE trying to get my bearings as I’m teaching for my first year ever. One year ago, I was sitting in Thailand among poor and destitute people. I was on the brink of something huge that I couldn’t express in words. Today, I sit in a classroom surrounded by English-speaking students learning Spanish in middle/upper class society. Still, at a loss for words to express the change that has taken place. I find myself so incredibly BUSY that I wind up getting discouraged and flustered. Am I doing this right? Am I really teaching these kids anything? I’m convinced that teachers go through some of the hardest most intense work I’ve ever seen. It’s not just what they do in class, it’s all of the extracurricular activities that take time (grading, parent phone calls, lesson-planning, etc). It is overwhelming to say the least. Going into this year, I knew this wasn’t where I was going to be for the rest of my life, but it is even hard to imagine that I’m going to be here even for this year. This is grueling. I’m learning how to find joy in even the toughest of circumstances.
Today, I woke up at 8:05am after spending hours last night creating a study guide for my students’ exam. I was supposed to be at school at 7:30am for a morning study session. I rushed out of the house frantically, arrived at school just before homeroom and had no idea what I was going to do during my classes. I decided to head home at half day because I was just flat out mentally not there. There are days where I feel down and beaten. There are days where I feel like the task is too great. Fortunately, I do know that God is bigger than all of it.
I know that he has put me here with a purpose. To reach these young people. But I refuse to lie and say that I don’t struggle with finding joy or purpose in my work. If we didn’t go through these seasons along with the peaks, then we surely would be untested and not battle-ready. Thank you Lord for this season.
So as for an update, I am currently certified with a non-renewable certificate for teaching High School Spanish II at Harrison High School. I am coaching wrestling and I am the FCA teacher sponsor at our school. I am plugged into Vineyard Community Church (AMAZING), and I am way too busy. I am certain that one of the enemy’s greatest successes in America is the occupation of our time. Even if we aren’t doing anything wrong or bad, we still don’t MAKE time to just sit and be still in front of the Lord. We need that. I challenge you and myself to make that time or we will drown. I am praying and seeking the Lord for his guidance this year and also for what’s next. Several things are on my heart: Spain with G42, getting into China, returning to Swaziland, seminary, and working with the World Race. I have absolutely no idea how any of it will work out.
I apologize for being silent for so long, this has been the biggest adjustment I’ve ever had to make in my life. I appreciate your prayers.
