Going into this part of training camp I would have never thought experiencing my worst fear would be my most valued memory. Yet it was.
At training camp sometimes you get surprised and have to just handle the situation. It is a good representation of what the trip is like so often. So after one teaching time when the men were told to leave their things and that they had and get on the bus right away it wasn’t a huge shock. We weren’t told where we were going or how long we’d be gone for, all we knew is that we were going to be away with all the guys for an uncertain amount of time. We took about a 30 minute ride to a remote place where we all piled off the bus and headed down a long path wide enough for a vehicle to go down. At the bottom of this ‘driveway’ was a house surrounded by forest. Gathering together we eagerly waited for what was next.
As leaders talked to us about what it meant to lead as men in our squads it became evident this would be a team exercise for us men to grow… somehow. As this short talk came to a close we split up into our squads of men, the 10 from Gap A (my squad) off the furthest to the right. The leaders of our groups each took their shirts off and some of them had bathing suits on. Thinking that we’d be going for a swim I was excited as I stood sweating in the humid heat that the people of Georgia are blessed with. Now it is common that we as racers think something is going to happen but there is a twist to it or it’s not at all what we think. So as much as I was excited for a swim I still was unsure if that’s what we actually were there for.
By the time it was my squad’s time to go most of us had ditched our shirts in the pile without any intention of returning them to our bodies anytime soon. Travis, our squad mentor and a fellow rugby player, lead our squad down behind the house to a stack of firewood. Each of us was to grab a piece for ourselves. We carried our piece down a small path and we saw a lake as we neared the bottom. The rest of the men were already in the lake at various distances. As we got to the shore we were told we had 20 seconds to be in the lake, so ditch anything you’re not swimming in. The goal? Swim across the lake without getting the log wet that you had. Now quickly the question of swimming skill was asked as we all hit the lake who’s bottom seemed to vanish almost immediately. Knowing we had some good swimmers and that I was okay at swimming I went about it with a confidence and expectation to make it to the other side with a good amount of hard work and determination. After all this is a sport and I’m good at sports.
As the squad started out slowly and confidently we began to have problems when a few guys were struggling to stay above the water with their log or head or both. It became apparent that they would need help to complete this mission. Luckily a few guys on our team were born with gills or something like that because swimming one handed and for a long time was no problem for them. So they took the logs of the other guys and we continued on. Now I knew I was not capable of carrying 2 logs but I didn’t think one log would be a big deal. Apparently when I only have one arm swimming becomes extremely hard for me. So I had to rely on my team. My squadmate Bryan was swimming near me and seeing that I wasn’t as proficient as some at swimming asked me if I was okay. I told him I was and continued to swim. Not long after that I yelled to him, handed him my log to keep dry and fell beneath the water, swimming up after a moment or two.
Now for those of you that are freaking out at this point or think that AIM (Adventures In Missions) is trying to kill us or play a cruel trick I will say they did have leaders in canoes and kayaks with life-jackets and for us to grab onto if needed. Here are the stipulations we have: don’t take a life-jacket unless you actually need it not to drown (ie if you actually cannot swim at all) and you can only hold onto a canoe or kayak for 15 seconds. That may sound like a lot of time to you, but think about after swimming along for who knows how long with some STUPID log, barely breathing because you’re having trouble staying above the water, 15 seconds isn’t much time at all. Not even enough to catch your breath. Now I shall continue…
I went on swimming struggling to stay above as were some others in my squad. Meanwhile the good swimmers had multiple logs and couldn’t help us, other than to shout encouragement, due to the logs they were carrying. It became evident where we all stood or should I say swam, in skill. I was weak but I wasn’t the weakest, which means for the good of the team I had to have a log. I took one back from the guys so they could help the others who were having a worse time. I soon gave up on keeping this above my head and decided if I had to take it with me it was going to get wet and I didn’t care because I didn’t want to drown. If you haven’t yet realized, one of my two biggest fears is drowning.
So here I go swimming with this log, but that’s also not as easy as you think. Ever tried to do a breaststroke with a log in one hand? It does more harm than swimming with two arms benefits. So the only stroke that kinda worked was the butterfly and that was a long and tedious way to go about swimming. Eventually I neared the other side. By this time some of the other guys from the other squads had gotten across dropped their log off and came back to swim and encourage us. By this time I was ready to die from fatigue in my arms and legs and a lack of oxygen. One of the older racers swam next to me encouraging me and trying to tell me how to swim, which I tried and instantly fell under the water again. I immediately went back to what had worked but couldn’t stay up enough and continued to choke on water, to yelled to him in the few words I had left, tossed him my log and swam the rest of the way struggling as I went. I finally made it to shore and threw the log he returned to me in anger and disappointment. I took a few breaths and went back waist deep into the water and yelled at my brothers still out there. We all made it over one way or another.
After we all got up the 3 foot cliff we gathered as squads and talked about this experience as we caught our breath and I hoped my headache would dissipate as I was able to breath and get oxygen up there. We pointed out a few things: we didn’t stay together as a squad, we all became very concerned with our personal struggle, whether with many logs or lack of skill. I was proud of my squadmates who all gave everything they had to make it. We prayed over our one brother as he was traumatized by the experience. Another squad or two also surrounded him and lifted him up. Brotherhood is tough sometimes but also beautiful at other times.
Remember the whole surprise thing I mentioned earlier? Well truth is they like to push us and stretch us emotionally, physically, spiritually, basically any way they can to grow us and they did. We got over there by swimming, time to go back. This time we didn’t have to carry the logs. First of all, I’ve never been so happy not to have to carry something. Secondly, I was dreading the swim back because although I didn’t have the log, I was still tired. My squad got in the water stomach deep and I asked them to shout out prayer one more time and with hands in the middle of a huddle like a football team planning a play we gathered in prayer asking for strength, shouting it out and giving a cheer as we closed. The goal this time? To make it across as a team.
We started out in a pack swimming. This was a particular challenge for me as I struggled to keep a slower pace and stay above the water. I can swim decently as long as I go a certain pace, and that wasn’t it. So I’d get ahead a bit then have to tread water, but treading doesn’t last super long with me and really tires me out quickly. I couldn’t continue to do that. I yelled desperate encouragement back to the squad but it wasn’t enough. Sensing this the squad split into pairs, strong with the weak. This I could do. So with my head down, so to speak, I trucked on towards the shore, a great distance in front of me. Eventually my lack of energy and skill caught up with me and I slipped below again, swimming back up. I eventually used treading to try and catch my breath. For me there was a fine line between treading to catch breath and treading too long and not being able to swim after that. Treading allowed me to catch some breath but took away my energy. So this was not done often. I continued on in the battle losing patience and desire to keep going as the shore never seemed to get any closer. I slipped under the water a few more times and as I did I seemed to come back up slower and slower each time, noticing the bubbles above me and the dark surrounding me underneath.
I pushed on swimming remembering that I had God and that if I called on Him He would give me the strength I needed. As I was was about 100 feet from the shore and the crowd of guys that had formed, Jayden, another guy on my squad had gone shore and was now back to encourage everyone (he was one of the ones with gills). By this time, I was more moving my arms than swimming and my head was only half above the water. He yelled to me, ‘Aaron take the help if you need it!’ knowing that I didn’t want to but needed it the first time we crossed 3 times. I turned my head on one of my strokes and yelled ‘No!’ to him and kept going. I wasn’t sure if Bryan was laughing by this or not but I thought I heard something. I went under one last time and slowly got back above the water but continued on to the shore where I yelled to the guy I was approaching to grab my hand and as he did I gave out. I was standing no slightly behind the crowd and seeing what I thought was a big rock, I stumbled as if I were drunk to the big foam ‘rock’ and leaned over it and began to breath. After a minute, I began to cry and stood there leaning over wailing like a baby. Some of the men from my squad came over and laid their hands on my and spoke encouragement.
Before I began this swim back, our group had met as I mentioned earlier, in this meeting I had told them that I was broken by the swim. Never before have I needed help in a physical thing. Why would a 3 time MVP, Captain, Big Three, 2 time First-Team All-Star and 1 time Rookie of the Year with multiple write ups in the paper for rugby or a 9th overall finisher in WCSSAA and 25th overall finisher in CWOSSA with a top time of 25.something minutes for a 7 km run need help doing something physical. Help wasn’t in my vocabulary. Help meant you were either weak or didn’t have the dedication to see something through. I am Aaron Braun, I do not take help…. Yet, on the way over one small piece of wood made me helpless. It ensured my death. It gave me no choice but take help. It broke me and all that had been my identity until then.
So coming back you would think would be easier but it wasn’t. Bryan had stuck with me through each stage and honestly when I couldn’t see him I panicked. It shocked me that even though Bryan was not physically helping me, I needed him but even more I needed the strength God gave me when I cried out in my lack. When I was leaning over that foam ‘rock’ I was told that I was strong by my brother. Those physically I had strength he was wrong, because it wasn’t in my strength I made it. It was at this time I knew God had taught me a valuable lesson. God told me that He couldn’t use me if I wanted to be the strong one. Now I know that I am weak and made strong through Christ’s love and power. I have strength and it is in that which I step out to do God’s work but it is in His strength which He carries anything through to completion. In Judges 6:14 God tells us, ‘Go in the Strength You Have… Am I Not Sending You?’
So as I prepare and step out in faith on this trip and even for the rest of my life I will think on this lesson and remember this verse. I will choose to be humble before my true strength which is God. Sometimes for someone to learn a lesson God just has to point the problem out, for others such as myself sometimes God has to demonstrate it for you to get it. So although I thought I might die and got close to it, I would never stay on the shore if I had the chance again.
I stand on the shore of this trip… here’s to running into the water!
