Well we’re almost 2 weeks into this journey and I really can’t really describe it for you. Never before have I felt everything I am feeling in such a short time. I’ve felt insignificant, unworthy, useless and lonely all while at the same time feeling impactful, chosen, in God’s will and loved. Truth is everything I’m experiencing has weighed on me over and over again.
As would be expected when my squad and I arrived in Guatemala we were beyond excited for what was going to occur in the next 3 months. Our general lack of knowledge of Spanish certainly did not help the confusion and excited chaos. At that time I was thankful we had Squad Leaders who knew what to do since they had been racers once before. Then began the scenic and beautiful hour or so bus ride to our ministry base in San Pedro, a small town outside of Antigua. Frantic anticipation of arriving swarmed us as everyone began to see the beauty of Guatemala and wondered how we could impact this amazing nation.
Upon arrival we met Luis Carlos Castillo, our host and contact that Team Living Water, Team Valiant and Team Renown, my own team would be graciously staying with. We would in the next few days have to decide what ministries under his umbrella we would be working in. Our three Team Leaders did an excellent job organizing this! My ministry is Value Classes and on the odd day, construction. This was exactly as I had hoped for, but this also led to my first struggle and disappointment.
First of all, let’s talk about what Value Classes are. In Guatemala the people are a lot more open about faith, so the government allows teaching in schools that Canadian and American schools wouldn’t. Luis was trained and teaches in public schools the classes known as Value Classes. Lessons vary but can include topics like the value of your time and how you spend it. I know this upcoming week we will move from just assisting Luis to teaching as a group with Luis as our interpreter. Our topic is dating for this week. (PLEASE PRAY!) The group that is ministering alongside me includes Alex Quinn (Renown), Amy Whelchel (Valiant) and Julie Ovenell (Valiant). It has been awesome getting to know one another more and serving with each of them.
My first disappointment came when our intended week of Value Classes became one day. This was for various reasons such as the Independence Day celebrations that we’re going on and the involvement of the kids in this, as well as Luis having some health issues he needed to care for. I quickly found myself going day to day ministering in construction and doing ATLs. ATLs, aka Ask The Lord is when you as a small group go out into the community and pray and ask God to lead you to the people that need Him and His touch. Another team on our squad has actually had some healing of people come from this. However as unfamiliar territory to me this was a hard day of ministering.
Despite these setbacks God was not without victory. ATLs are still a hard thing and something I will continue to grow in, but sometimes just talking with people, smiling and laying a hand on them is the Father showing His love for them. The whole construction thing was awesome and very exhausting. Multiple hours of hard work in the hot Guatemalan sun can really tire a guy out. However, I had such joy in serving the family in those days. To see their love and appreciation towards us as we worked hard in order to serve them was truly gratifying. We are told in Colossians 3:23 (NIV), “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” I think this is a very important thing in all situations. Give it everything you have because it is an offering to the Lord. Genesis 22 talks about Abraham and a careful observation of that passage will reveal a life constantly lived in worship.
Throughout the multiple days here as my team grew slowly closer and closer thanks to the intentionality of everyone and the leading of Team and Squad Leaders we also created a safe place to share and be real. I remember one night all of us bowing down before the Lord during our team time and confessing the things we had not yet confessed to the others or God. Honestly, I had to confess and spirit of comparison. Seeing others serve, hearing others’ breakthroughs and listening to others’ stories on the squad of their successful ministry times was very, very, very hard for me. Teams on my squad had already experienced 3 times of physical healing done through them and I was still bouncing from ministry to ministry trying to see how somehow I was impacting the Kingdom. I felt very out-of-place and worthless. Why was I even here? I didn’t have the answer to these questions… but I didn’t need them. Until that night I didn’t realize how unhealthy those thoughts were and how far from God they came. I am here because God called me here and He has a plan for me. I need only to trust Him; to let Him run the show and have faith that He will carry it through to completion as we’re told in Philippians 1:6. This doesn’t mean it instantly easier to do ministry without seeing instant fruit of it but it does mean that fruit comes, it just takes a season to grow.
Although I find living with 22 other people to be very challenging sometimes and impossible to find alone time (except for tonight, hallelujah!); I have truly enjoyed it. Getting to know everyone’s quirks and individual beauty has been a great experience. I have had times where I’ve desired more than anything to just have peace (which never happens, even in this alone time) but I have also seen so much value in true, loving, God-integrated Christian community regardless of the noise and crazy. The ability to give feedback, both positive and growth, freely and lovingly to each team and squad member has been a huge growing point for everyone. I already see a difference in myself and the others around me. Feedback was a time I used to fear but now I truly look forward to it. Hearing how I can improve and grow closer to God is exciting. Challenging, but exciting.
This week I have been challenged to live in humility, constant worship and listening to God and to die to my own desires and preferences. Please be praying for me in that. Please be praying for God to continue to work here. Pray that comparison turns into rejoicing because God’s Kingdom is spreading even if it’s in another’s ministry area.
I want to encourage you all to seek God this week and carefully read over and study Genesis 22:1-19. Look for the characteristics of God in the passage and then the characteristics of Abraham in the passage. See the life Abraham lived in total surrender and worship of God. Dive deeper into this by researching the context of Burnt Offerings and the acceptance of it (Hint: think on the moment and position Abraham would have been in when the Angel stopped him). Next, go out and day by day live that life of complete worship in every action. I will be in prayer for you all in this with me.
Well there you have it, the first 12 days.
Here’s to another 67.
