So, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with family drama going on and my heart aching from the one’s name He placed on my heart, but not able to tell her. I thought all of it worked out, yet my heart and soul have been aching sooo much. I couldn’t figure it out, I couldn’t understand it.
At the behest of some Siblings in Salvation, I went and spent some quality time with God, just praising and worshipping Him and talking with Him about everything. I think I literally sang David Crowder *Band’s ‘How He Loves’ like 3 or 4 times. Crazy huh?
As I worshipped Him in the evening sky, His fireflies began to come to life and dance with rhythm only they could hear. Pretty beautiful in my mind. 😀
Either way it feels that in these next few months there will be many tests and trials thrown at me and at times I will say I will stand upright and never back down, yet others I will probably fall flat on my face or curl up in a ball in the corner. At times I still struggle with this sense that I’m worthless and unuseful to anyone or anything….I know it’s not true, but still I falter. It’s crazy.
I believe God is going to work on me in a masterful way through this journey. I have negative qualities I wished to be stripped of and have asked Him for thus…..it’s going to hurt. I’m ready though, I’m ready to be the man He has created me to be. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired and weary of the weights that press down upon my heart and soul…I will overcome though. Always will I overcome with Him! He is amazing! AMAZING!!!
I want to be transparent with you all. I have no idea who reads this, but hopefully my transparency encourages you. Encouragement being one of the few gifts I know that I have. Will be great to figure out the rest when He is ready to show me….can’t wait!
Love you all!
A.J. Wagoner
