…Not Yet
The time has come to where many on the squad are already thinking of home and what is next. Nothing wrong with that, per se; however, for me I constantly hear the words:
Not yet.
My squad-leader, Shannon and I were talking the other day about how to remind the squad that come debrief, at the end of this month, we only have three more months left. Three more months to bring Kingdom together. Three more months to share life with one another, to encourage one another, to love on one another, to bring greatness out of one another as an ENTIRE squad.
To be honest, it frightens me. This squad (S-Squad) is my family. They are the ones that have called me beyond myself and beyond my fickle, mindless thoughts of what being a Man of God truly means. They have loved on me in my darkest moments and to not have them around, especially my team, is definitely scary to think about. To not have their truth and encouragement, their prophesies and prayers around at any given moment is petrifying.
However, I hear those words whispered to me again…"Not yet."
I am reminded of the movie Gladiator. In this movie, the main character, Maximus, has been devastated and sold into slavery after finding the bodies of his wife and child hanging at their burnt to a crisp house. He meets a man that has also been taken from his family. They become friends, best friends, given their circumstances and at one point they are talking about the second man's family. He talks about how he wants to get back to them and everything, but that the time is "not yet." He, then, tells Maximus, who so desperately wants to die and just give up that that time is "not yet."
And so, I can tell you right now that though I have no idea about my future or what is really going to happen come September, that the time to think about that has "not yet" come. The time for me to be at home and to go back to America is "not yet." No matter how much my subconscious is trying to yell at me to go home or to be done or to give up on community or give up on this squad or myself or on God…those moments have "not yet" come and to be frank, they won't ever come, not on His watch anyway!
Yes, I will go home for however long that season will be, but I will not and I mean I will NOT go back to the way I was or the life I lived before. He loves me too much for me to be able to do that. Simple as that! Plus, there is more Kingdom to bring the next three and a half months.
The time to think about the future…
The time to think about the next thing…
The time to think about September…
The time to think about what I will do when the phone bill kicks back in…is soon…
…but…
NOT YET!!!
