How do you begin to tell people about a defining moment of your life?
How do you share the past six years in a manner for which it encompasses the depth of love found?
I am not quite sure how to answer the above questions, but I am about to attempt the impossible.
On October 1st, 2010 I left the United States of America on a journey I never imagined, let alone knew about before February of that year. The World Race, an 11 country, 11 month mission trip changed my life.
The second half of 2009 I got broken up with and spiraled into a dark abyss of shame, guilt, anger, and pain I never knew existed. The start of 2010 after some time to get back into the presence of God held much promise with the start of a Master’s program at the University of Central Florida and an assistant-ship with the nonprofit program. 2010 also began with the loss of my Granny, my dad’s mom, and later included a former coach and a mentor. A mentor who always had my back and I could not believe he left.
Either way the first half and middle of 2010 involved a lot of shakeups to my life and what I knew about the world. At one point my cousin told me after a bout with anger and frustration, “Your heart, soul long for a group of people to belong to.”
I had no idea what he referred to, at all. Until…until July 2010 when I met S-Squad at World Race training camp and my heart, soul screamed out in ecstasy, “I found THEM!” I had no idea who I found, but I knew I had found them. Not to let me forget, the first three prayers over me at training camp began with the same words: “You are a son of God.”
I broke. I broke and tears flooded from my eyes more than ever in my life.
Jump start to October and the subsequent 11 months and my life has never looked the same. My Race, my journey took me throughout Central America, Southeast Asia, East Africa and India. A journey through worlds, cultures, and life I never knew existed as God began to open me up to Him, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and their identity, but also open me up to who I am as a man of God, and even as a poet.
I learned of my value, my voice, and just how much God loves me. Month 9 for instance, while in Uganda, my team connected with our contacts in a way to where they became family in an instant, so imagine my shock when three of them show up in Tanzania the following month to spend time with us. Three men of God travel hours and hours just to hang out with us. Wow!
What no one really knows though is why this means so much to me. You see my time in Tanzania held some challenges as I came down with malaria and an amoeba at the same time. I became bedridden and to me lost to ministry purposes. So, when my team’s three brothers from Uganda showed up they encouraged me, most specifically before they left they came to my room, washed my feet, and prayed for me to get better. When anyone takes moments out of their lives to love you and love you well your whole being takes notice and mine in the moments they poured water over my feet leaped for joy with lots and lots of tears.
I struggled in my younger years with worth and sense of belonging. For three Ugandan men I knew for only a month or so to travel so far to see me and my team, then pray for me and wash my feet as Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, showed me more of how much God finds me worthy to be His son. It also helped to solidify the previous 10 to 12 months of God’s work in my heart and soul to plant my roots in His abiding Grace.
Now, five years later from my return I reflect on the past few years with new eyes. Let me share where the Lord has taken me and how the World Race became the catalyst for it all.
From a summer in Chicago to lead youth groups on one-week mission trips to the inner city to a year in Texas to be a houseparent for foster kids and do a supernatural ministry school to learn more of my identity, my last five years since my return stand wild on the fringes of possibility. I even spent most of last year on Catalina Island where I taught kids and youth how to kayak and snorkel, as well as marine biology! Sprinkled in these moments have been seasons without a job or with odd jobs of helping people move or cleaning other people’s houses.
No matter the situation, though, I continue to learn about God, myself, the world, and how to function within it to be a source of hope and light. Paul writes in his letters on contentment and I believe the World Race helped widen my view on how to be content in any situation. The past five years have served to be a continuation of the process, one of which has allowed me to grow as the man of God He always designed me to be. A process to help the roots I became aware of in Tanzania to grow deeper and deeper into God and His abiding Grace, as well as allow me to know the worth I carry as His son.
Do I still have a ways to go? Of course. A twenty foot oak tree does not sprout from an acorn. It must grow and go through a process to mature into the mighty oak it is capable to become, and so I will continue the process even now.
Yes, life stands a journey. A journey to discover God, your own identity, and the world at large in ways we could never fully grasp. Can it be difficult? For sure, but no matter what, the journey always stays the same and always stays worth it.
The World Race changed my life. It changed my life in ways I never could have imagined or dreamt about. The Race indeed taught me a lot about the nature of life and for where I am today within the throes of planning my wedding with my fiancée, figuring out what it means to be a husband, and learning a job I could not have foreseen for myself in any of the last six years. All of what I learned on the Race from God’s identity to my own identity to even how to have conversations with respect and honor serve me now to be the best possible me God always intended for His name to be glorified and the world to be loved well.
Thank you World Race! Thank you Seth Barnes and all of the leadership! Thank you S-Squad (1st generation) and everyone I have met in, through and because of my journey on the Race!
Love you all! Thank you for reading!
A.J. Wagoner
