Eternal Sunshine of Our Experiences
Tonight, June 23rd 2011, I watched the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It is a story about a man and a woman who are deeply in love, yet after a major fight in their relationship they both end up having a procedure done to erase their memories from each other.
As I watched this story unfold, I began to think of all the instances and people in my life that in the heat of the moment I wish I could erase; however, I stop short in those thoughts because it is these instances and people who make me who I am. The struggles and trials I've gone through are what make me, well me. I wouldn't know what I know now after such moments in life.
I started thinking of the moments when I've been talked down upon, laughed at, or ridiculed and know that if these moments hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have learned to let such things roll off my shoulder knowing that my identity is in Christ and not in what other people think of me. Of course, thinking about it also made me realize just how much I need to lean on God and His love for me.
I began thinking of the moments where I've been hurt by others or I've hurt others…i.e., throwing a chair after an argument with my parents, cursing people out under my breath, disagreements with those closest to me, my heart rended from fallen relationships, or any countless number of other experiences in my life.
With this being said, I want to take the time to tell those I've hurt that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you, even during the moments when I thought I couldn't survive after a break-up. I'm sorry! I was wrong to have hurt anyone for whatever reason. I pray for your forgiveness. As for those who have hurt me in any way, whether through word or deed, I can honestly say…you are forgiven, go in peace!
I, specifically, must say to the one I feel I've hurt the most, I'm sorry. I know you probably won't ever read this, but the words on and in my heart move me to tell you…I am sorry for the way I took everything. Also, I would like to say that even if this procedure was real, I could never go through it. For we are a by-product of our experiences and to try and erase you from my memory would diminish who I have become. It would rob the very instances that make me who I am, because of the time I spent with you, as well as the lessons I've learned since you've been gone. I wouldn't ever want those taken away. (I do not wish to use her name, but she knows who she is, if she by chance reads this…she's the one who has been the closest to me so far in this life of mine–from the relationship aspect of course).
Either way, our experiences and the lessons we learn from them, whether good or bad, are what shape us into the men and women we are meant to be, especially when we allow God to work in us through these situations that arise. Therefore, the experiences I've gone through have prepared me for what's next, including the one mentioned. I am better prepared to be the husband God calls me to be, whenever and with whomever He decides that adventure in my life to be.
Finally, to all those that have been in my life, even if it's been by a word of disdain or hate….thank you. Thank you for being you! I am a better person now because of it, but remember: you do NOT get the final say in who someone is. God does and He says, 'Eternal Son-shine Through Our Experiences.'
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28
