It’s almost month two. When did time speed up? We have had an awesome first month. I can’t say that it was always easy, but who wants easy? I didn’t. Before I left I prayed some of those dangerous prayers, and now I see that God is being faithful to answer.
Many people ask you, “how is your walk with the Lord these days?” It was a question that my team leader challenged us all with. Here is what I said. I have been reading a book called “Crazy Love” Though I have only made it 30 pages into the book; I have been challenged by how I live out my faith.
In the book, it talks about a person who has a 2.5 second extra moment in a movie, where not even their face was showing. The writer asks, “What would you think if this person told everyone they starred in this movie, and rented out a whole theatre to have everyone come see it?” It would look rather ridiculous that person pointing out the back of their head in that 2.5 second scene. So then he challenges you with asking yourself if you’re living your life with you as the star or if God gets to star in the movie that he has been directing and starring in since before the world began. We have a 2.5 second spot in an ongoing movie.
How am I spending my 2.5 seconds? Am I trying to hog the spot light, or am I just letting myself be used in the scene? I would like to think that I am not selfish, that I do and always give God the glory but let’s face it; I am not always the extra. Sometimes I am the annoying overbearing lead.
God has me in a place of repentance, and brokenness, as I realize more and more that my expectations, frustrations, and selfishness held me back this month from fully engaging in community and in ministry. I could blame it on the lack of clear communication, the language barriers, time issues, 2 bathrooms with 25 girls, but I won’t. I know that I have some growing up and growing forward to do this year.
Now with this being said, its month one and its going to naturally come with little growing pains. I did work really hard, and God moved in many great ways. But I know that honestly there were times when my selfishness reared its ugly head, or when my expectations of how things should go would leave me disappointed.
We left the comfort of what we knew to embrace the unknown. This is my first long term missions project outside of Canada. I don’t speak the language; I don’t always get the culture. I need to give me some grace. It will be difficult to really truly let go my control, my selfishness, but I long to desperately embrace God, and who he is, fully let go, and let him take the lead. I am not sure what it will take. I expect many hard days, some serious sadness, but then the joy comes in the mourning.
