Date: June 27, 2021
Location: Ankara, Turkey
Host: ATL (Ask The Lord)
Who could’ve guessed this is where I’d be at this stage in life? Not me, that’s for sure!
I remember as a young teen, probably 13ish, someone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I told him my dream was to be a wife and mother. I pictured myself getting married at 21 and raising a family a couple of years down the road. We would live a simple life in the country with a menagerie of animals roaming the peaceful fields surrounding our farmhouse. I’d swing on a bench on our wrap-around porch, sipping lemonade or tea and watching the kids play in the yard.
Even to this day, there are parts of that dream that tug on the strings of my heart and fill it with longing…a desire for home, steadiness, and a place my soul finds rest and comfort. However, the greater pull on my heart and drive in my spirit has changed over the years.
I turned 25 this month. Like a checkpoint on a journey, my birthday brought perspective to how far I’ve come and where I’m headed.
A quarter of a century…
Two and a half decades…
Twenty-five years…
300 months…
9,125 days…
Time past. Lessons learned. Life lived. And WHOAH, how my current life is a far cry away from the simple one I once thought I would be living! Honestly, it’s comical just how opposite it is.
My dream of a serene farmhouse with a white picket fence has stayed just that, a dream. Now, even a consistent place to call “home” feels like a distant memory. I’m a vagabond, living out of a pack on my back and hopping from one bed or mat on the floor to another. I’ve seen architectural wonders, heard foreign languages and melodies, tasted unknown cuisines, experienced cultures, and traveled to destinations I thought would only exist on the pages of a book for me.
Instead of my own family, I have 29 strangers who have turned into close friends over the last 8 months. Additionally, each country I visit is filled with a multitude of new friends, unofficially adopted siblings, children I wish I could adopt, and stand-in grandparents. Like a party-size variety pack of candy, my mixed tribe of an unexpected family is bigger and sweeter than I could ever have imagined.
The relationship I once had with G*d, tame and predictable, is gone. Consistency replaced by surprising wonder. Routine religion exchanged for intimate friendship. Head knowledge turned into heart belief. Faith, a seed planted by the words and teachings from my youth, is now rooted deep, watered and fertilized by miraculous encounters with a Father who proves Himself trustworthy over and over again.
The sheltered, quiet life I wanted is buried beneath the weight of a world dying without the knowledge of its Creator. As much as I wish it were still possible, I can’t live with my head in the sand, oblivious to the lost lives around me. The nations of people existing without the love of G*d. My spirit aches with a desire to show them the potential of a life with Him.
Normal Christianity has lost its appeal. A Sunday morning sermon is no longer enough for me. I’ve tasted a new flavor, and I have an insatiable hunger for more. More of His voice softly spoken to my soul. More of His power displayed in the physical realm. More of His truth coming to life from the pages of His Word. I have a feeling that “more” won’t be found in the safe, steady life I hoped for, but rather, only in continuing to follow in His footsteps to the ends of the earth.
This walk is filled with awe-inspiring experiences, yet far from easy or comfortable. In fact, it’s challenging and, at times, even heartbreaking. There are moments when I long for the life that once filled my dreams. Yet, were I given the choice between the two lives, I would still find myself here, writing to you from a coffee shop in Ankara, Turkey. My fondly dreamt childhood wishes dull in comparison to this wild life I now live.
If 25 years of life have taught me anything, it’s that the choice I made to follow Him as Lord of my life 20 years ago was the right one. Little do I know where His adventure will take me next…
