Less than 4 months until I leave– or ‘Launch’ as we World Racers call it.
It’s the summer and I have all these fun ideas of things I want to do, places I want to go, people I need to see. I’m moving back in with my mother and sister soon and I’m blessed to not have to uproot my life to move, really. She lives about 15-20 minutes outside of Ada on the property I grew up on, so I’m not moving that far, or leaving my job (or the second summer job I just got), my church family or anything. Yet.
But the goodbyes are coming. I sometimes will be getting things ready and all of a sudden it hits me…eventually I’m going to have to say goodbye. Goodbye to my coworkers, job(s), church, friends, family, life as I’ve known it.
“I thought you were excited?” Oh, I am!! I’m so excited, full of peace, joy, and so ready to go out and be the hands and feet of Jesus!! But the small flicker of anxiety flairs up when I least expect it. About funds for the trip, gear, and about saying goodbye and leaving the life I’ve known for nearly 24 years. For 11 months.
This isn’t some vacation where I’m gone for a few weeks. Or my short lived college experience where I lived an hour away from my hometown for six months and was home every once in a while. This is 11 months of life-changing experiences, new community, new people, cultures, intimate time with my Heavenly Father, and ministry, among many other things.
And I know that it’s more than likely not a goodbye forever, just a goodbye for now. But I can’t help but wonder how much things will change in 11 months. How much I’ll change in that time; will I come back so different that I won’t fit in with my friends and family anymore? What if they don’t like the person I become or can’t relate to me anymore? Will I be called to some far off place?
Surprisingly, these things don’t scare me much as it gets closer to time. I’m actually more afraid that I won’t change at all. I don’t necessarily fear this unknown like I have so many times in the past; now I’m just waiting. And wondering. And very rarely, worrying. But I am holding on to Jesus knowing that He sees it all and has me right where I’m supposed to be.
So I will celebrate the time I have left with every person that wants to spend time with me and I will wait patiently and expectantly for what He has prepared for me. Because as I am setting up for every goodbye; I’m also preparing for every hello.
