This is a story about forgiveness, vulnerability, redemption, and family.
_____________________________________________________________________
There have been many lessons I’ve learned over my 8 months on the World Race. Lessons about myself, other people, the vast world in which we live, the Father, His kingdom, etc. That’s the thing about learning, you never stop – even after you graduate from high school or college.
Speaking of graduations, my sister was due to graduate from college this year in May (just over a week ago at the writing of this blog), but due to this year of missional living, I wasn’t going to be able to attend. My sister and I have a great relationship and we continue to grow closer as time progresses. This is something I am extremely thankful for because I don’t deserve to have a good relationship with either of my siblings.
Growing up I abused my age, strength, and intelligence when it came to my sister and brother. I manipulated them and bullied them for my own entertainment and then pushed them aside so I could hang out with my friends. The story is longer, but the mistreatment of my sister and brother is one of the regrets I do have in my life. Luckily, God blessed me with two AMAZING people as my siblings. Each of them has chosen to give me another chance at being the big brother I should have been growing up. Forgiveness.
_____________________________________________________________________
Being away for so long has caused me to realize just how much I love and appreciate my family – I even got a tattoo to express my deep care and affection for them. With technology, it’s actually really easy to stay connected to my family as I travel, but that only works if both parties are committed. Which is why I was scratching my head when my sister wasn’t responding to my messages or calls a few weeks ago. Typically, she’s really good about keeping up with me, but while I was in Nepal, it was silence. “Dang.” I thought. “Did I say, do, or forget to do something?” I wasn’t sure what it could be that would elicit this abnormality. So I waited. I gave her space until she was ready, and just over a week ago… she responded.
She sent me a message via Marco Polo and it absolutely broke my heart. She chose to let down her guard and share her raw feelings with me. She expressed her disappointment at my looming absence from her upcoming graduation and said she is learning to acknowledge her feelings as well as express them to others. I was so proud of her. It’s not an easy thing to open up and let our loved ones know how we really feel. It always feels simpler to bury our emotions and deny ourselves instead of rocking the boat and risk hurting a valuable relationship. Unfortunately, such a course of action isn’t healthy for us. In fact, it can be extremely corrosive to us on the inside. I’m so thankful my sister did the hard thing and let me into her genuine emotions. It made my heart ache for her, but I was honored that she would trust me in that way. Vulnerability.
_____________________________________________________________________
As you may have guessed, listening to this message from my sister triggered the big brother gene in me so I began searching for cheap flights to Virginia. After a few minutes, I found a flight and told my dad about my impulsive idea. He loved it. However, he wanted to keep my showing up a surprise for my sister, my mom, and brother. Dad is theatrical like that but then, so am I. The plan was in motion, but I needed permission from my squad leaders and squad mentor. I don’t know about you, but submitting to authority is something I’ve struggled with in my post-college life. On the World Race, a chain of command exists and following the chain of command hasn’t been the easiest thing for me. Not because our leaders are bad leaders, but because I have hurts from leadership in my past which unfortunately affect the way I treat and view leadership in the present. This is an issue God recently revealed to me, and I have been working with Holy Spirit to grow in this area.
This request to fly to the U.S. was a chance to honor my leadership and submit to their decision, though a big part of me didn’t want to. Thankfully, when we are weak, God is strong. I went to leadership (the right way) and presented my idea to them acknowledging that I would respect their decision regardless of the outcome. After listening to my proposition, my squad mentor suggested that we pray for an hour and see what God had to say on the matter. The fact that she didn’t shoot my idea down right away, but rather suggested that we take time to pray together meant SOOO much to me! To me, this is what good leadership looks like. It hasn’t been easy, but through this journey, God is reshaping and transforming what spiritual leadership is to me. Wow! Thank you God. Redemption.
_____________________________________________________________________
I walked outside and began praying. It wasn’t long before God said, “Go pack.” I was surprised to hear God say this and was like, “Really God? Are you messing with me or are you being serious?” He then placed that verse in Matthew 7 on my mind. The one that says our Father will not give us a stone when we ask for bread (paraphrase). God said, “Connor, I am a good Father who delights in blessing you, now go pack.” So I went and packed. About forty-five minutes later I received a call from my squad mentor and learned that they had approved my trip and were excited for me to attend the graduation of my sister! YESSSS! What an awesome God eh?
Now, fast forward the 4-hour flight to Moscow, the 10-hour flight to D.C., the 1-hour shuttle to Union Station, the 4-hour train ride to Lynchburg, and the 15-minute car ride from the train station to my sister’s apartment. 36 (ish) hours after watching my sister’s video, I stood at the top of her steps ready to surprise the crap out of my family. My heart was pounding and my head was reeling. I couldn’t believe I was standing in the United States and about to be reunited with my dearest loved ones after 8 months of being away from them. I have spent much time daydreaming about hugging my family while away on the race, but no imagination can compete with walking down the steps, freaking out your people, and tearfully hugging each one of them as tightly as possible. That moment was perfect. Totally worth the money. Totally worth the hours of travel. They’re always worth it. They’re my Family.
