2008. A defining year for me. A year that my praise was tainted…and a year that my praise broke. I was 17. The date was August 3rd. Two weeks before I started my senior year of high school, my dad passed away from a sudden and massive heart attack while he was in the mountains. We didn’t know what happened until the next day, August 4th when we went looking for him. These two dates are forever imprinted in my heart.
I became angry with God. I did not want to sing praises to him. Why would a God who LOVES take away? And take away without a proper goodbye?
My eyes and head hurt for days. I had never cried so much in my entire life. I tried to hide the hurt. I tried to be “strong”. But the pain was real.
One day, God finally got my attention and I started searching the radio for a Christian station. God provided. To this day, it stays locked on some type of Christian radio station. Praise is always on my lips.
Sometimes you have to go through some rough stuff to see the beauty that comes out of it. They are blessings in disguise. But praise to the people who continually rely on God for their strength through the storms and through the harvests.
I’ve always loved helping and serving people, but I found even more healing in that during my time of need. It helped me to see that my circumstance isn’t the worst out there. People go through so much more and still carry praise…still carry a smile. I went from wanting to be a veterinarian, to wanting to counsel people through grief. To not knowing what I wanted to do after taking a counseling class at college and feeling uncalled to the field.
Life went on. In the spring of 2012, I studied abroad in New Zealand and was able to experience the world in a way I never had before. In the fall I started interning at Hope Springs Farm. I fell in love with individuals with disabilities who see the world differently…who made me feel alive by giving them meaning to their lives.
2013 I went to Creation North East- a HUGE Christian music festival where for the first time I heard about the World Race. Traveling and serving people. What could be better?
December 2017 I applied and was accepted. I was fully funded ($18,200) by mid-July of 2018!
January 3, 2019—I turned 28 and started a new chapter of my life. I launched for the World Race. If you would have told me I’d be traveling and doing mission work 11 years ago, I probably would have told you you were crazy. HOWEVER, I think I knew mission work was always in my future. I love God and serving him through his people. I’ve never been set on a career choice—and I’ve often told people that if I could get paid for volunteer work, that would be my job.
I’ve had a lot of time on the race to process, and looking back at this statement…that’s exactly what a missionary does. You raise funds and then go out and do the work of God. Before I left for the race, my uncle even said to me/my family, “ You never know, maybe she’ll become a full time missionary”.
This race has been amazing. It’s awakened my soul. I love LOVING ON PEOPLE and HEARING/SHARING STORIES of God and his work in lives!! I love PRAYER. I love PRAISE and WORSHIP. I love sharing the GOSPEL. I love being the HANDS and FEET of Christ!
My mom sent me this devotional the other day and it really hit home.
- I heard God telling me to “go”
- Even after quitting my job (people thinking I was crazy…what are you going to do when you come home?), even after abandoning my family and my possessions, and even during the MOST CHALLENGING scenarios I’ve faced on the race…I’ve had so much peace coming on the WR…I can’t imagine life not doing the race. “Sometimes to make ourselves available to God, we have to take risks. Sometimes those risks take us out of our comfort zone.”
August 3, 2008 was 11 years ago since I lost my dad. Around 8pm on August 3, 2019 I got a call on the bus in Kampala, Uganda saying my grandma passed away just about an hour ago. I wanted to write this blog yesterday before I got that news to show how over 11 years God has worked…but now with her death…how he has worked even more. He turned a tragedy into a triumph…a heart of anger into a heart of love….a worn and weary soul into a soul filled with life, the spirit and a will to answer the call to go…even when you miss big life events…even with the death of family members. 11 years ago I would never have imagined myself being here…in Africa…traveling for 11 months to 11 different countries…Loving life, making so many friendships, seeing hearts move, experiencing the death of another dear loved one BACK HOME… but ultimately being okay knowing that there is risk for kingdom glory.
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6
Losing my Grandma isn’t easy. She was the only grandparent I really knew. I spent so much time with her…going to the farm to let the cows suck on my fingers and see the dogs, spending thanksgiving eve at the farmhouse so I could help her with the meal the next day (and making sure she made my macaroni cheese with some crunchy noodles that we could pick at), riding in the car listening to hymns (especially The Old Rugged Cross), spending Sunday afternoons at her house and having dinner there before youth group, going to yard sales, platting my hair, making her laugh, playing blew it…. It’s even more difficult being across the world. Although I won’t be going home for the funeral…although I won’t be one of the pallbearers like she asked me to be, I know that all is well. Some moments are hard, but ultimately, I am at peace. She lived a good life and is in his arms.
From tragedy to tragedy…August 3rd to August 3rd…11 years…God has been working in the in between and the before and after. He is sovereign. Sometimes we just have to listen to him, follow him, and take risks for him…. sometimes we have to be the lights so people can find the source behind it…Sometimes we have to trust that God has us right where he wants us. #11n11
