Dear 19 year old me.
Today you’re here. You’re doing the thing. You carry light and life with you wherever you are at. Your banner is love and you get to share joy across the world. Did you ever think you would be here? Looking back to when I was in your shoes I for sure didn’t.
19 was the year from Hell. Not many good things came out of that year, I mean I bought a fish that was cool. Shout out to Alphie for listening to me cry, rant, and just sit with me during the crappy days. Actually that is a lie, looking back, great things happened, but sitting in the hard stuff really clouds your perspectives on everything else.
We’ve been doing life for a solid five years since this time. But there really aren’t many days where I don’t think about or remember something from this time. I think it’s because it did me a solid & shaped me into the woman I am today, and for that I am grateful.
On the flip side, there weren’t many days five years ago that I could comprehend a life beyond the day I was living. I had plans, but no desire to bring those to fruition. I was resentful, anxious, and bitter. That crushes me 5 years later that I couldn’t see the good & was unable to just receive the love, peace, and healing that Papa was offering me for free.
Looking back at who you were five years ago, there was no light in your eyes, and certainly no joy. While that really is sucky to see, I am thankful for it. It sent you on a five year journey of cultivating joy into your everyday life. Every year I see more and more growth and portions of trust that you give back to Papa.
I am proud of you. You pushed through. Never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined yourself sitting in Myanmar writing this. That was the year you learned about the World Race. But you didn’t think you could ever do it. You felt like you were too much of a mess. And if I’m honest with you, you were a mess, but who isn’t?
But here you are… in Myanmar… on the race… doing the thing you’ve always dreamed of. You get to share this part of your story. You get to share the grace and growth you experienced. You get to speak life into yourself and others. You get to share the abundance of joy that the Spirit gives you.
We are still working on it. We don’t do anything perfect, and that is ok. Perfection is not the goal. We are progressing and growing into the woman that Papa created us to be. Yesterday at dinner with Jon and Keight, they asked me if I ever thought 5 years ago I would be here & honestly, no, I didn’t think I ever would. But how amazing is our Papa to keep pursuing us and pushing us towards who He knows we will be. He is too good.
So 19 year old me… keep pushing forward. Keep running after your dreams. Keep finding the good in each day. Keep choosing joy. Your 24 year old self will thank you immensely for it.
Sincerely,
Your 24 year old self.
