I’m heading into week 2 of the World Race, and to be honest, I’m struggling a little bit. I’m feeling a lot of different things — disappointment, frustration, confusion, disconnection. But they all stem from a common root: the World Race has not been what I thought it would be.
Working through what I had been feeling over the past couple of weeks, I realized that I had misplaced expectations of what the Race would be.
Part of what inspired me to do the Race was seeing, reading, and hearing all of the stories of what has happened on the field: crazy boldness in the name of Jesus, people being healed on the streets, God moving in unexpected ways, bungee jumping in Africa, adventure, growth, and community. But what I missed in expecting all of these wonderful, miraculous things, is the entire point. If I’m going on the Race for me, to achieve things I want, then I’m going for the wrong reasons.
In reality, I’m going to serve. I’m going because the Lord asked me to. I’m going to bring hope and love. Yes, I really, really hope to experience all of the things above, but when it comes down to it, those are secondary. Because I came on the Race to be Jesus’ hands and feet in this world, whatever that may look like. Whether I get to see any miracles or not, or see any fruit at all from the work I’ve been doing, I just need to remember why I came here in the first place.
So far, my World Race journey has mostly consisted of doing a lot of construction work, and it’s been hard to see where God is working there.
I’ve been dealing with some disappointment that I haven’t seen God in a new and exciting way so far. And that I still don’t have that intimacy with Him that I desire. And that I haven’t built super strong, deep relationships with my teammates yet.
I’ve been dealing with frustration that I have to adjust to a new lifestyle in a new place with new people, not eating or sleeping or working whenever I would like.
I’ve been dealing with confusion about why I don’t FEEL like this is my life for the next year. Why I’m not missing home yet. Why God hasn’t busted into my life and changed it so it will never be the same.
I’ve been dealing with feeling disconnected from God, from my teammates, like I’m watching my own life from the sidelines, not giving every moment everything I have to give.
So, what am I going to do about it?
I will push through these feelings and hold on to the hope, and the promise, that God will use the work I’m doing to build His kingdom here, even if I never get to see all the good things I am contributing to. I will be intentional about being present and will press into the times when I feel like putting up a wall to hide behind. I will trust that no matter the timing, God will eventually use these experiences and these feelings to bring me closer to Him, and to build my faith.
When things get hard, GROWTH happens. Although I don’t know if I would call my experience hard yet, I have no doubt it will be hard at times. If difficulty is what it takes to grow, bring it on.
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P.S. A bird pooped on my freshly washed sweater today (which was the only warm coat I brought), and now I have to wash it AGAIN and wait for it to dry before I can wear it. Maybe this is the beginning of one of those difficult times.
