This training camp was a week of sweet release! Jesus was there. I saw Him.
Here’s My Story:
Last year, I attended training camp with Z squad. They were like family to me. I loved them. I went to training camp with them. We bonded. It turned out that it wasn’t my time to go on the race. I was devastated. I never grieved that pain, that aloneness that I felt. This year I attended training camp for a second time. The third day came. Triggers of my last training camp were hitting me from every direction. I was scared. I didn’t want to go home again. I didn’t want to lose another family. I love H squad just like I loved Z squad. A few of my squad mates recognized my hurt, and they prayed for me and loved me. I didn’t allow myself to get close to my squad, and they noticed. It was embarrassing at first, but I opened up. I was afraid. I didn’t know how to ask for help, but I desperately needed that connection. The second night of training camp, Rob prayed over the room that Jesus would come to us in a memory—a vision and show us where he was during that struggle in our life. I couldn’t concentrate on a memory in that moment, but the next morning—the morning of the 3rd day (the “anniversary” of the day I went home from the previous training camp), He answered. Jesus showed up.
I was in the second row on the aisle fairly close to the front. We had just started our morning worship. I was in tears, and I couldn’t stop thinking of Z squad. I wish I could have said goodbye to them. I wish I could have joined them. I missed them so much. I couldn’t focus on anything else, until the praise team started singing with the spirit, “He wants you to trust him. I want to trust him. You need to trust him.” I broke down. I couldn’t stand. Hot tears stung my eyes and I covered my face with my hands. I felt warm, gentle hands on my back as I sat there and wept. I started envisioning that day, Monday October 14, 2013, the 3rd day of training camp— it was a beautiful day. The sky was blue like a robin’s egg, and the trees waved their yellow, electrifying branches in rhythm to the cool breeze. I was seated on one side of a worn, wooden picnic table while my coach was seated across from me on the other side. I was so excited for the things God was doing in my life. We talked about my health and past situations, and came to the conclusion that I just wasn’t ready. Shocked, I cried, but I felt abandoned and confused. Jesus showed himself in that vision. He stood behind my coach when it was concluded that I go home. He walked with me and rode beside me as we went to the lodge. When I was alone sitting by a window that overlooked training camp for that long afternoon, he sat beside me. He never left my side. Jesus was there.
I grieved for the first time in 9 months. I thought I was over it, but I wasn’t. Jesus showed up in this vision to show me that he had bigger and better plans for me. He was looking out for me. I was still at war with myself though. I didn’t want to be sent home a second time. I didn’t want to leave my new family. I love them. I couldn’t deal with the stress that brought upon all this grief. Then there He was, I saw Jesus. He reached out his hand and said “I need you to trust me.” I was so afraid. Suddenly one of my squad mates wrapped me in their arms and hugged me. They prayed love and release over me. I physically reached out and grasped the air, and felt like I was really holding His hand. I released my worries, my stress, my fear, Z squad, H squad, and all other negative emotions to him. I experienced the father’s love. All I could think was, God take care of it all. I trust you. I can’t deal with this alone anymore. HE spoke into my thoughts and said, “You are never alone. I will always be with you, my precious child. I love you. I will take care of everything.” I stood up knowing that I am not, nor have I ever been alone. I prayed God would release my barriers and break down my walls. God gave me one more vision. I saw all 4 steel walls lift off of me, and for the first time ever, I finally feel freedom! Praise the Lord!
Here is my Journal excerpt from the night of July 14, 2014 (Training Camp Day 3):
“This morning’s worship was so beautiful and messy. The music reverberated all around. I prayed that God would break down the walls and fill this place with freedom and His loving presence. It was amazing. He did. I felt uneasy at first, but after a while he broke me. All the tears came rushing down and covering me. God stayed by my side. He always has been. I started thinking back to when my troubles began. He holds me, He loves me, He forgives me, and He will take care of me! I trust Him & I am free.”
P.S. Stay tuned for a Photo blog, Launch date, and the 411 on my team! 🙂
