world race, e squad, 2021.
the world race has been the sweetest season of my life thus far. to try to sum up the past 9 months in a blog seems daunting & makes my brain feel fuzzy and heavy. i decided thinking too much was harmful and that i should just write what’s on my heart right now… so that’s what i’ll do. here’s a messy combination of words that attempts to shed a little light on how these people, these places, these faces, and these spaces have shaped me and changed me forever.
team ecclesia: my women. my team. my sisters. walked alongside them since day 1 of my race. when we fell asleep in our tents on the first night in YeeHaw Georgia, woke up not even knowing each other’s middle names but knew we had something pretty special. now, there’s no group of women that i know more intimately & we’re forcing our kids to be friends. i’ve learned what feedback looks like, calling out pride in each other’s life. dropping everything to serve and love a sister. i’ve learned what it looks like to wake up and CHOOSE your people. we have laughed and sobbed, overcome anxiety and sought Jesus in trauma and somehow managed to walk in beauty and grace despite really dark and hard seasons of our race. i’ve learned warmth, service, a heart of “i see every bad thing about you and i love you anyway” from these women. until we’re old and gray, ecclesia.
Ecuador: the refining. in Ecuador, we couldn’t leave our ministry bases. we were split in half as a squad, lived in different places, did really taxing labor every single day. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Ecuador looked like dirt, roofs, sawdust, and machetes. i learned that ministry and loving neighbor doesn’t always look like going out into the world around you to be a radical evangelist, it looks like loving the people right in front of you, right where they’re at, in whatever season you’re in. i learned how much strength the Lord chooses to put in His smallest daughters. i’m 5’2, 115 pounds, and i learned that i’m more than capable. (something i battled believing for years. if you’re an OG & read the Tiny Can blog, you deserve a fat smooch.) it’s hard and then it’s not, it hurts and then it doesn’t. and this doesn’t just apply to those long and chilly ministry days, it’s applicable to the way the Lord started chiseling away anxiety in my heart. in Ecuador, it festered and got stirred around. i worried and wondered, and finally decided — it’s time to break up with anxiety. you know those stereotypical toxic boyfriends that are like YOu CaNt bReAk uP WiTh mE LOL, yeah, that was anxiety for me. but, i decided i’d had enough & started the long journey to recovering from crippling and overwhelming anxiety.
Guatemala: the fresh fire. boyyy we got to Guate and there was just something in the air. i thought it was just joy and sunshine and fresh air, but i learned that it was actually Holy Spirit. having freedom to go out into the world for the first time in 3 months, i got to start learning what it looks like to just be friends with Holy Spirit and carry Him with me in the mundane. i learned that no day with Jesus is ordinary. i learned that there is MAGIC in every day with Him & waking up to meet with Him over coffee. i learned and clung on to the phrase, “you belong before you behave.” started writing down my dreams and my aspirations because He really just wants to hear ‘em. my creativity blossomed into random MegaPaca visits (look it up. you’re welcome) and journaling the colors and phrases that swirl around in my brain. He’s a creative God that made creative creation. created to create. and one day, after half my squad got DUNKED because they wanted to give Father a deeper yes, i called out my toxic relationship with anxiety, asked my entire squad to pray freedom over me once & for all, and haven’t been the same since. BRO, i’m freeee. i belong in every room i walk into, i walk knowing that i am an heir to the throne, and that people who say they love me DO love me. period. Guatemala has my heart forever. taking this freedom with me everywhere, every day.
when i land in the States in 8 days, i will be able to say i know the coolest people on the planet, i have a deeper appreciation for a skateboard, loving neighbor is simple, different cultures are to be embraced and learned about and experienced, my life is not my own, and Texas cranks out some good people. thank you, gap e. for becoming my family, for worshipping and crying and dancing and laughing and growing together. embracing everything it means to be a human and love the humans around you even if they stink because showers are few and far between. thank you ecclesia, for being my sisters and climbing mountains with me. thank you payton parker, for having an infectious lust for life, for different, and for inviting people to your table always. i am your biggest fan. emily webb, for knowing my thoughts and feelings better than i do, for learning me and what i am so that she could love me and what i am. this woman can tell you every story from my childhood in perfect detail. HOOK ‘EM HORNS. regan horn, for yanking me out of my car day one, yanking me out of my comfort zone on the field, and that you’ll have to yank me onto a plane in 8 days. & thank you world race, for changing my life.
