Transformation is a scary word, but it has to be one of my favorites now. So I’m going to jump right in by being a bit vulnerable with you guys. When I first came to the world race a few months ago, my identity was not built on Christ. I was a Christian and a Christ follower, but if you asked me who I was, I’d tell you I was a coach, videographer, brother, student, or something like that. My identity was built in the things around me. The relationships I was in, my family, my physical abilities, my social skills, my image, basically everything but the Lord. So to give you some context to what I’m about to go into, here’s a quick story from early on at the start of the race.
So back in week number two, during one of our incredible mid-week worship sessions, the Lord basically knocked me to the floor and told me He had something to tell me. A couple minutes later I found myself face down with several of our leaders laying hands on me and praying. I was in tears as our squad mentor said that the Lord revealed to her that this was going to be a tender time full of growth for me over the next 3 months where I would find my identity. I didn’t exactly know what that meant, but I knew the Lord was breaking down my expectations for this journey, and preparing me for something I wasn’t expecting.
Since then the Lord has continuously brought up thing after thing that I had put my identity in outside of the kingdom. Working through those things has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever had to go through, but it has transformed my life. He started with the simple things, like my hobbies and passions. Would Jesus be enough if I lost the ability to pursue those? Would He satisfy me if I was suddenly unable to play any instruments or sing? If I could never touch a camera again would I lose my identity or would I still be rooted in the Lord? After working through those He challenged me further with things like my abilities as a whole. If I were to lose the ability to move my arms and legs and was paralyzed for the rest of my life, who would I be? If I lost my eyesight or hearing, would I still look up and thank the Lord and find my identity in Him? Later on the Lord brought me face to face with some of my greatest fears and challenged me with the hardest questions I’ve ever had to answer. If I lost my family, who would I be? If I never saw my parents or my sisters again would Jesus be enough? If the Lord called me to a place of solitude and told me to leave the ones that I love so much for the rest of my life on this earth, would I be satisfied in the love of Jesus? If I were to never see my family or Moriah or my friends or familiarity or comfort or even adventure or results, who. Would. I. Be.?. . . If I didn’t have the power to heal and didn’t possess the authority of the works of the Lord would He be enough? Do I chase after Jesus for His blessings and His works, or do I chase after Him for who He is? Where does my identity lie? Every time that I found myself ready to move on the Lord gave me another set of things to work through and surrender. Each time that He’s revealed something that I haven’t surrendered that ties me to my flesh, and helped me sever that tie and surrender them to His hands, He’s revealed more of Himself to me, and shown me more of who I am in Him.
So what am I left with? Who am I?
I’m a son of God. I’ve been created to be loved. I do not exist to make a difference or even to pursue the Lord because He’s already pursuing me. I was born to be loved by God, and when I rest in this truth, I can’t help but fall even deeper in love with Him. Because of that love all I want to do is go change the world for Him. I’m so ready and willing to lay down my life and chase after that love, because He loved me first, and He always will. I am a son of God. I want to step into the fire with Him. Two feet in, not even just one. It’s a process that will continue for the rest of my life and I know I’ll always have to keep surrendering, but luckily He never hasn’t run out of Grace yet. Stepping into the fire with Jesus means pain and it means refinement and exposure and persecution and challenge, but it also means true joy and love and satisfaction.
Last week I was re-baptized. WOW it was one of the happiest days of my life. Being able to participate in a physical symbol of dedicating my life to the Lord was such a massive blessing for me. Thank you Lord for beginning this journey. No turning back.
