Hi everyone!! It’s been a little bit since I’ve actually been able to sit down to write out an update for you all. Quite frankly, my life looks very different than what I thought it would in this season—which is 100% okay because I have gained so much insight, and the Lord has taught me A LOT. Especially through this last month.
So just to give you a little rundown – I’m in the Dominican Republic!! My squad and I stepped foot onto this beautiful island on March 27th, but it was just a little different for me, who stepped foot into the DR with a concussion that I had gotten during an all-squad soccer game at debrief a few days prior. Not knowing for sure that I had a concussion at that point, I went bungee jumping literally the next day (very bad judgment on my part), and proceeded to take on a 24 hour travel day to the Dominican Republic. All in the span of less than a week. You could rightfully say that I did not rest properly in the slightest, so when I got to the Dominican that’s the first thing I did—rest. A whole lot. That’s all I really could do. After about two weeks of rest, my symptoms finally went away aand I was able to go to ministry!! Yay!! My first day back was such a good day filled with so much joy and community. Later that same day, I realized that my right foot was going numb. Weird, right? So I told some of my leaders and they advised me to go see a doctor since I had just recently had a concussion. So that’s what I did! They then sent me to go get a CT scan so they could be sure the foot numbness was not related to anything neurologically. When they looked at the scans they said everything seemed to be normal, but since my foot was still numb they referred me to go see a specialist.
Around this time is when many of my symptoms, such as headaches and dizziness, came back. So again, I was off to the doctor—just a different one this time. The specialist gave me very different news than the first doctor, however. He said my brain scans actually did not look normal; it was nothing super serious, but there was some swelling. He diagnosed me with post concussion syndrome, gave me some medicine, and told me to get an MRI and an EEG. I was told to go back and see him after I got both of these done. All in all these visits took about a week and a half and meant, for me, still no ministry. As of right now I still have to get my EEG and be seen again by the doctor, but I truly am doing well. I’m recovering well. I’m learning a lot. I’m growing. And I’m able to spend soooo much time with just me and the Lord. There’s no need to worry, just a need to pray. I will take all the prayers I can get!! Each and every one of you played a part in me being here today, so I wanted to take the time to finally let you know how I am doing. I also want to be clear that informing you of this little bump in the road is not what I want the main focus of this blog to be about, but I rather want to tell you of all the things the Lord has told me!!
First, this hasn’t been easy! I very quickly began to believe that I wasn’t wanted, seen, heard, or called. You name it! I couldn’t go to ministry, so I didn’t really know how to play my part, or even what my part was. On top of that, I felt so distant—from everyone here, from everyone at home, and even from the Lord. If you know that feeling, you know it doesn’t feel good. But then the Lord just kinda took me and shook some truth back in me! Saying, NO, you are wanted, you are seen, you are heard, you are called. In fact, He knew that this was going to happen far before He ever called me to go on the World Race. As He spoke these truths, He put to death those lies, just as He always does. Simply because He loves me. And He is going to do the same for you!! And He’s going to keep on doing that, again, because He loves you!
Another big learning curve the Lord took me on was the fact that reading scripture and worshiping in song are not the only ways to feel close to Him. Both reading and singing hurt my head so badly at first, and still do from time to time, which was so frustrating to say the least. Because I was physically unable to do either of those things without being in pain, I sat in a whole lot of complacency and bitterness for a few weeks. Prior to this concussion, reading and worshiping were the two ways I felt the Lord the most—especially worship. And so when those things were “taken away” from me in a sense, I didn’t know what to do. Then, it got me thinking about all the places around the world where being a Christian is illegal. And not just illegal, but you could literally die simply from just saying the name of Jesus. Instantly I felt the Lord asking me what I thought they did. Those who didn’t have a Bible. Those who couldn’t worship aloud. What do they do? They pray! They sit and they talk to the Lord, and that is more than enough for them.
Then, I felt Him asking me if I thought my relationship with the Lord was stronger than theirs simply because I have been blessed with the freedom to read scripture and to worship as loud as I can. That was such a humbling and convicting realization. That yes, scripture is the literal voice of the Lord and is such an amazing tool. And yes, worshiping in song is a way that we can bring glory to our Father and to connect with Him deeper. But those are not the only tools that He gives us to build our relationship with Him. I had to ask myself, if all I had for the rest of my life was prayer, would that be enough? It should be! And I’m not saying to not read your Bible or worship, if anything I’m saying do it more!! Take advantage of the blessing that is, because many people can’t. But don’t overlook the power and the importance of prayer and solitude with the Lord. I know often times I have, and I’m so thankful that God has opened my eyes to see where I was wrong in that. And that I now get to share these revelations with you!!
The last thing, and probably the most recent thing, was my journey through the struggle of not being able to go to ministry. I really didn’t see a point in being on the field if I wasn’t going to actually do what I signed up for. But, bringing you back to something I said previously, the Lord knew this was going to happen when He called me to be here. Plain and simple – He knew. So it was almost a test to see if I was going to be faithful here, knowing the Lord had called me, but also seeing something completely different than I ever expected. I never wanted to leave the field, I just didn’t know my place anymore if it wasn’t at ministry with everyone else. But, just as He always is, God was gracious and patient with me, showing me exactly what He had in mind for me once I surrendered those expectations to Him. He revealed that His desire is that, while I can’t be at ministry during this healing process, I can still pray!! Like I said earlier. So even though I can’t be with my squad Monday-Thursday during ministry, I can intercede on behalf of my brothers and sisters! I don’t have to just sit around doing nothing. I get to pray for the body of Christ!! And maybe that doesn’t seem like much, but it’s more than enough for me!
So yeah, I know that was probably a lot, but I wanted to share this with you all. I wanted to bring you into this space. And I wanted to tell you what the Lord has showed me throughout my time in the Dominican. God is so good, regardless of our circumstances and our feelings. If I know one thing for sure it’s that HE IS GOOD! And He loves you and I more than we could ever imagine. He has our best interest in mind. He would never hold back a good thing from any of His children. And man is He powerful!!! His name, Jesus, causes the enemy to flee. He is all you need. Always and forever!! I love you, I am praying for you, and if you need anything I am here for you!
Have the best day!
-Kailey <3
