This journey for the world race has already opened my mind and really made me seek out the things in my life that God has for me. It has altered my mindset in ways that I couldn’t begin to explain. I seek more of our awesome Fathers face everyday and look to Him for answers to even the little things which has not always been my strong point.
Which brings me to the rock. I was hiking in Palo Duro Canyon this weekend and I had my Jesus singing to me in my ear. I was just admiring the beautiful craftsmanship of our very own Creator. The weather was perfect, and I was just walking around in pure bliss. I decided that I was going to really push myself in a physical way. Like how far up this canyon can I go? Right. WORST IDEA. I saw a cool rock on top of a smaller hill, and I told myself I was going to hike to that rock.
On the journey up I had forgotten just how out of shape I was and decided I didn’t want to die before I get to go on this awesome adventure in life. Whilst climbing I saw a different rock that I knew could support me as I grasped for air like a fish out of water. As I sat there wheezing and sweating, I began to think about why this rock existed in my life. Haha like come on Jen surely in your last moments on earth you wouldn’t be contemplating the existence of a random boulder!!!!! YOU CAN DO BETTER.
So, there I was really getting to know this rock when I started to pray. I wasn’t sure what to really pray about now, but I knew that something in the universe was telling me to talk to God. (probably the rock) I was just really talking to God about some things in my life that I had been carrying around lately, and like my backpack these things were making it tougher to walk through life.
I was just praying to God that when my heart is telling me to cling to them and protect them that He just swoop in like Superman and pick them up and carry them off so far that I will never be able to find them again. As we talked about it, the word altar kept coming into my mind. Like what is so significant about the 5 feet between the first pew in church and the stage?????
I whipped out my handy dandy smart phone and did some searching through scripture about altars. Altars in the bible are mostly mentioned or built places that people have encounters with God. Take Jacobs dream for example in Genesis 28. He was sleeping on some random dirt when the Lord came to him in a dream and told him of all the plans that He had for Jacob to own and pass down to generations to come the very random dirt he had been using to rest.
It says that Jacob found a rock, anointed it with oil and laid claim to that dirt that God told him was his. Wow guys. Like how incredible is our God? So, after some extensive research I decided to lay claim to this here rock that in fact was saving my very life.
As I sat there to get more familiar with this rock and prepare it to hold more than just my body weight, I noticed that it had been split and just to the right of me was a whole other half of this giant boulder. I wondered to myself what it might have looked like before weathering and people using it as support. In a way I identified myself in comparison to the rock.
I have found that it is far to easy for me to mask my own brokenness or heartaches with the drive to help others carry things that seem to heavy. I am a rock to a lot of people in my life. A place they can come to rest and have support. That my friends is my calling. To assist in shedding light to their seemingly dark worlds through support and prayer.
I began to ask myself why I seemed to carry all of this with me when I know what happens if I take it off and give it to God. It was really convicting to sit there with all this baggage knowing that what I love most is to help others shed theirs.
Austin if you read this blog just know that I told you in our meeting that I was an over packer. I just didn’t know at the time that I was overpacking my heart.
The weekend adventures start out somewhat shaky because all the things that I was covering up, kept showing up. Haha it was like God was dangling them in my face saying “hey remember these guys? Yeah well they don’t need to be carried with you any long so here is a rock and now give them to me.”
It is not easy to let go of things that have shaped us. It is not easy to let go of things that have hurt us and is the hardest thing to let go of the people in your life that showed you love like no other. Just because this season of your life was a roller coaster of the best and worst times in your life doesn’t mean that you should carry it with you forever. The bad parts are holding you back and the good parts aren’t the last good things to happen in your life.
As I began to look like a crazy person on this hill, I spoke out loud and gave the roc permission to now hold my burdens for me. People I know what God can do I just needed the rock to hold them for a moment so that God could come by later and pick them up. As I was hiking down, (which proved harder than hiking up) I as talking to God about picking up that heartache from that rock. I needed to be sure that it wasn’t a place that I could go running back to and pick them backup and tuck them neatly into the box that was holding them for so long.
I felt lighter. I felt as though something inside me was relieved to not take ownership of things that had already been dealt with. Forgiveness is more than forgiving others. You sometimes must forgive yourself for the things that you allowed into your life. For the way you treated yourself. For the way you prolonged your healing by holding onto the very thing that caused you to be broken in the first place.
Be prepared for your altar to pop up in the strangest times. Your encounters with the God can look and feel like the craziest or dullest things.
To the broken rock on which I sat, I say thank you for being there. Thank you for allowing me to rest as I lay things down and gave them to the Lord.
More importantly I thank God everyday for being my rock. For always having an unwavering admiration for who I am, where I am. For that I cannot be more grateful.
xoxo
