720 days. 5,040 hours. 302,400 minutes. 18,144,000 seconds.
These, my friends, are the average days, hours, minutes, and seconds of a student’s high school career. These are the number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds that I should have spent in high school.
Due to the virus that has wrecked havoc within our world, I am a few numbers short.
On May 15th, my high-school career will come to a bittersweet end. I do not know what to make of that. Should I be feeling an empty hole that is embedded deep within my chest? Should I be feeling a twinge of sadness and feel a flood of tears run down my cheeks? Should I be feeling hopeful about the next few months as I begin to pack my things away in cardboard boxes?
The most prevalent emotion twittering within my bones has been fear. I am finding that when the waves of fear begin to recede and the calm shore is within reach, the tide gains strength and sweeps me, once again, into the virulent surges of water. For the last several weeks, anxiety has been raging and controlling it is proving to be onerous.
Change has, consistently, been difficult for me. I have never enjoyed the transition period between the comfortable and the uncomfortable. It is within this period that I often fall to my knees.
If I’m being completely honest, what frightens me most about the transition from high school to adulthood is the knowledge that my path may never cross again with the faces of those that I have come to know very well. Once I receive my diploma, the chances of reuniting with the souls who made P.E. and Chemistry bearable will decrease significantly. Over time, communication with these people will become sporadic and, eventually, rare.
Cameron and Austin will begin to make fun of my height less and less until the joke soon becomes a fond memory that replays in my mind once a year. Calvin’s sarcastic remarks will begin to dwindle, Alex’s banter will be heard less and Olivia’s hugs will become stiff because, over time, life changes and people begin to move on. It terrifies me that some of the best people that I know now will become just a face that I recognize in a yearbook fifty years from now.
Endings, unfortunately, are inevitable. They are everywhere: in books, in television series, in songs…they cannot be avoided. Though I tried, I could not avoid mine. I danced at my last homecoming on September 21st. I stage-managed for the last time on March 7th. I cheered at my last basketball game on March 10. I closed my locker for the last time on March 13th.
To put it simply, I am sad. I am disappointed and I am melancholic, but, as Winnie the Pooh says, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?”
Though my hands shake and tears threaten to fall, I continue to place my life within the palms of the One who works all things out for my good. Even when I cannot see it, even when I cannot feel it, He is working and He never stops working. My fears, though already conquered by Christ, are not forgotten and they are not overlooked. I am confident that this season of uncertainty and trepidation will pass and, if another one may rise, that Christ will walk with me through the fire. He is the Great Sustainer and he will continue to carry me when I cannot carry myself. I will rest, broken, within His mending hands.
UPDATE!!!
Hello! My trip to Ghana has been cancelled, BUT a domestic trip is in the works! The following information is not certain, but is being discussed.
* Instead of leaving May 28th, I will likely be leaving June 30th. Like Ghana, the trip will be the duration of one month, meaning that I will arrive home by August 1.
* The cost for the domestic trip is less than my Ghana trip, which means that I AM FULLY FUNDED (YAY)! Please do not continue to send donations!
* There are several locations being considered for the domestic trip. As of now, Gainesville, Georgia; Asheville, North Carolina; Harrisburg, Pennsylvania; and the Wisconsin Dells are being discussed.
* At these locations, we will be connecting with organizations through Adventures in Missions and serving them and their ministry partners, churches, and local organizations in practical and safe ways.
* Final decisions regarding trip options will be made on May 29th.
If you have any concerns, questions, or thoughts, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am praying that you are safe and healthy.
