I have always been a fearful person.
I am afraid of spiders, of heights, of drowning, of flying, of needles, of storms, of public speaking, of the dark, of clowns, of sickness, of the unknown, and – my biggest fear – of my parents dying.
I have always operated under this influence of fear. I have avoided my basement and tall buildings. I have not stuck my head under water for long periods of time nor have I willingly attended doctor’s appointments. I have avoided activities that make my heart skip a beat because I do not like the feeling of chaos that follows. I do not like when I do not have control. I do not like going in to a situation when I do not know the outcome. I do not like being blindsided.
Yet, here I am…unsure of the months to come. Since March 13th, I have had my feet swept out from underneath me and I am finding that it is rather hard to regain my footing. I do not know if I will attend school again or if I will smile at my teachers once more. I do not know if I will get asked to prom by the boy I’ve had my eyes on all year or if I will get to hug my best friend in the coming months. I do not know if I will see my senior class together one last time or if I will walk across the stage to receive my diploma.
There are so many unknowns right now, and yet…somehow…I am not afraid. I am at peace, true peace. I am not fearful of the unknown. Over the past thirteen days, God has been holding me within His hands. When I begin to feel weak and fearful, He reminds my heart to trust His faithfulness. He, the Great Sustainer, will continue to lead me through the unknowns and towards the gates of Heaven. He will continue to ordain my steps and I will continue to seek Him first. No, I am not fearful for I know that Christ, my Great Defender, will protect me.
I have thought a lot about COVID-19 and I have come to the conclusion that, for as much as the Coronavirus has taken from me, it has also given me a lot. It has given me irreplaceable time with my little sister, Ella. We’ve been playing softball at parks and baking cookies. It has given me quality time with my sister, Anna. It has given me time to bond with my brother, Isaac. The more and more time that I am spending with my family, the more I am realizing that I have taken them for granted. I wish I could capture these moments on an old polaroid camera and hang these picturesque memories in my room. Within the next few months, the three of us – Anna, Isaac and I – will be attending different universities and our time together will become scarce. I will miss them greatly, but I am excited to see how the Lord will use them in the lives of others. I am so blessed to have been 1/3 of our trio.
UPDATE – PLEASE READ!
As of now, March 26, my trip to Ghana has not been cancelled – praise the Lord! I have raised $2,410! I am past the halfway mark! Hooray! My next deadline is April 30, in which I need to have $3,412 (75% of my goal)! I am confident that the Lord will provide the necessary funds! Please continue to pray for me as I prepare for this trip!
In the event of my trip becoming cancelled, donors are allowed to request a refund, but I cannot do it for you. If you choose not to request a refund, your donation will go towards Adventures in Missions/World Race for their future missions trips/funds.
P.S. Please join me this week in praying for those who have been been infected with the virus, for those who have lost loved ones to it, and for the Class of 2020.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
