Ever since I was a young girl, the sound of heels on pavement has empowered me. Call it chick-flick induced, but the sound has led me to believe that I could accomplish even the most arduous task with a simple pair of black stilettos. I would like to believe that I am not easily influenced by the media (movies, tv shows, social media, etc.) and worldly influences, but I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t. I am. I so completely am and it is absolutely infuriating. I am so keenly aware that the images of stunning women plastered on billboards and magazines are photoshopped. Yet, it is these unrealistic expectations of beauty that I subject my body to.
For the last eighteen years, I have resented my body. I have been mad that it has had rolls instead of curves and scars instead of freckles. I have cursed it for its lack of naturally defined abs and luscious eyelashes. I have screamed at it for its blandness and spurts of acne. I have poked and prodded at its extra fat, yelling at it for not understanding the expectations that have been put in place before me by society. I have pulled it, pinched it, and hurt it. I have shoved beauty’s head down and allowed ugly to rear its head in triumph. Yes, it is society that has built this mountain that I am unable to climb, but it is me who has exhausted myself trying to climb it.
I have spent endless hours hating my body and close to none loving it. I never thanked it for breathing, for getting me from one moment to the next so effortlessly. I never praised it for eating, for enabling me to see the blue sky day after day. I never thanked it for learning, for expanding my knowledge of the world and those around me. I never thanked it for seeing, for looking into the eyes of those that I love most. I never thanked it for loving me, even when I did not love it. I never thanked my Creator for making a masterpiece that functions beautifully, effortlessly, and wonderfully. And for that, I am ashamed.
I believe that my body is where Satan attacks me most. He knows my insecurities better than I know them myself. He knows where to hit me where it hurts and he never fails to miss the target. Satan has come to kill, steal, and destroy, but I know that my God has come to mend and love. God loves me despite my flaws. He loves my weight, my blemishes, and my breakouts. He loves it all because He made it all. He looks at me and sees perfection, a masterpiece worthy of His love and grace. I forget that sometimes. I forget that the only thing that determines my worth is Him. In His eyes, I am priceless. I am beloved. I am beautiful. You are beautiful. We are beautiful.
Over the course of the last few weeks, God has been teaching me that I have been created with a purpose for a purpose. And I know for certain that my purpose does not lie in achieving a standard of beauty or in gaining the satisfaction of society. My purpose lies in the furthering of God’s Kingdom. My purpose lies in loving others as Christ loves me. My purpose lies in speaking life and in speaking truth.
It hurts my heart that young girls and boys across the world are constantly doubting their self-worth and the value that they have. It hurts that I know that my little sister will look at herself one day and ignore the beauty within her as she compares herself to other women…a beauty that so radiantly shines from within her. It hurts to know that children are being taught that beauty is being thin and small. That is not what beauty is. Beauty is a crooked smile with a gap between the two front teeth. Beauty is a crooked nose that was broken when you fell down the steps. It is every feature that you resent about yourself.
I encourage you this week to repeat the following daily: I am beautiful. I am loved. I am valued. God has created me with a purpose for a purpose. God defines my worth.
I have been repeating this daily for the past week and a half and my self-confidence has grown tremendously. My prayer this week is that you learn to see yourself as God sees you and that you will begin the process of placing your worth in Christ. You are worth so much more than you think you are. Let God show you.
