well here we are. in the midst of a global pandemic. cooped up in our homes. and forced to deal with all the brokenness in our lives that we’ve been avoiding with work, school, and who knows what else. maybe you’re not exactly HERE but I am.
I’ve been back in the United States for exactly two weeks today and its taken me this long to sit down and write a blog post. The past three weeks have been chaotic in the weirdest way possible. One day we were living normal life in Colombia (or trying to, knowing that life back in the states was absolutely crazy), but staying up-to-date with the status of the virus (thanks sweet Kathryn). The next day we were told that some teams were being sent home due to the severity of the virus in their regions but that we were safe. SAFE. Literally three days later we received an email that we were being sent home and in just 24 hours from that moment we were sleeping in the airport ready to depart that next morning. we are all utterly heartbroken for what the next four months of our trip could have been and the lives that we could have changed. yet in the midst of all of that I am reminded of the joy that it was and the lives that the Lord did change.
After debriefing for a couple days in Atlanta, we all went our separate ways and I am now at home in California. When I tell you I slept for days I mean it. I literally went to bed at 3pm one day and woke up at 8am the next morning so my first week or so was spent sleeping and trying to wrap my head around what the heck had just happened. It was really hard. not the sleeping obviously but really just mourning the loss of those four months of ministry and potential relationships. I was confused, angry, and really REALLY didn’t want to be living with my parents (sorry mom and dad) because “they just didn’t understand.” Well the great part was that I didn’t fully understand either. I didn’t know who or what I was mad at or why I was so sad but I for sure knew that I was feeling ALL the feels. As I wrestled with God about it, I realized I just wanted to escape the brokenness. the brokenness of my family and my relationship with my parents, my obsession with success and productivity, and the brokenness in my relationship with God. by having to quarantine for who knows how long, I am forced to face the ugly and go at it bearing the armor of God and with a big BIG God before, behind, and beside me.
This time is for mending and healing old wounds and creating new beautiful memories. it’s for leaning into grace and the truth of who we are outside of completed checklists within a time of government mandated rest. it’s for intimately experiencing God outside of the walls of a church and diving into community instead of isolation.
so here’s to where we are now. and here’s to where we will be.
