Sunday December 22nd I was worshiping my king in a huge unfinished church. I was all alone with my voice echoing off the cement walls. I felt the Holy Spirit in front of me, and my Father took over. I prayed for wisdom and redemption. I interceded for old friends, and non believers. I boldly prayed over India, then repented for my sins.
It was a normal day. On Sunday’s the only planned ministry is encouraging different churches. Afterwards we can either sabbath, or ask the Lord what to do. This Sunday looked like every other Sunday. I poured my heart and soul into the village kids, and played with them as hard as I could.
As the sun went down the next thing to do was team time. It’s something we do six times a week to keep one another updated. During team time I noticed my hand tingling. I was spaced out, and I couldn’t think. I didn’t know what was going on, and with zero sense of time team time was over. I felt pins and needles throughout my body, and it seemed like I was floating on a cloud. I was seeing stars, zigzags, and flashing lights. My vision was blurry, and my eyes were tired. I noticed I was alone, so I went back to the other room. Walking was hard because the inside of my body was racing. I noticed I was loosing all control. When I entered the room I couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. Next thing I knew I was sliding down the wall onto the floor. It seemed like someone decided to push down on my shoulders. I was scaring my team, I was laying on the floor, and I felt hopeless.
They got me up to lay me down in the other room. As I was trying to walk I realized my body was heavy, and my vision was almost gone. I couldn’t make sight of anything. All I could see was blobs and colors. I couldn’t tell who was there until they spoke. Whoever was there told me to lay down, but I was scared I would get stuck. As I was fighting this sensation an irritating feeling came across my limbs, then rushed to my face. This triggered a memory I NEVER wanted to remember. Before I knew it, I was stuck. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, and I could barley see. I was aware, but with almost all my senses gone. I was still tingling, but it was painful tingling. It felt like little pinches all throughout my body. I couldn’t help but believe someone was touching me. A tear ran down my face as I thought to myself, “This can’t happen again.. What did I do to deserve this?”. I knew if I had gotten drugged for the second time I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I tried to calm myself down, but then other thoughts entered my mind like, “What if I stay like this?”.
During these thoughts my teammate Heather was holding me tight. She keep telling me it was going to be alright. My other teammate Sam was praying for radical healing, while the others were water falling in the back. For the first time in my life I felt like that the people around me cared. My team reminded me of my Savior. The only one who can save me! I called upon his name, and he truly made the darkness tremble. I felt his presence, and my fear vanished. I was relaxed despite the circumstances, because my Heavenly Father told me that it was going to be alright.
He gave me visions of my past circumstances. He showed himself protecting me, and in the corner crying with me. I was seeing things that happened almost five years ago, and events I held onto in fear they would happen again. I didn’t realize that I thought I deserved abuse. I didn’t realize that was all I accepted for myself. I was physically out of the situation, but mentally stuck. I wouldn’t release.
With all the visions I noticed how complex my life has been, and how much it has effected my life. The Lord showed me healing takes more than just forgiving others or yourself. I had to allow him in so he could have the okay to redeem it. I had to learn that I don’t deserve redemption, but if I ask for it he will give it. This was the beginning of something oddly great. I was still paralyzed, but I was joyful. I was sitting in the presence of God, and it sustained me. He took me by surprise, and redeemed my life.
Eventually I was rushed to an Indian hospital. They didn’t know what was going on, but I snapped out of it on my own. Although I didn’t have answers I was content because I was being comforted by my Savior.
