ROMANS 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good pleasing and perfect will”.
Romans 12:2 is my theme verse for this journey of my life. God is constantly testing my faith and trust in Him. Along the way I am allowing these seeds to grow, and I am watering them even when its hard. One night I finally cried out to my Father and wrote down what I was feeling. Amazingly as I was writing the Lord allowed me to see his glory. After I wrote down my feelings he responded to all my worries. I was writing down how he could redeem all of them without even realizing it.
HERE’S WHAT I WROTE
MY FEELINGS:
I’m seeking answers for the many wonders and whys I have collected through out my life. I know there’s times I’ll never know why, but I am not patient enough to let things be. I’m fighting the same battle everyday. I have on armor for war, but not the armor of God.
I’m stuck in shadows because standing out scares me. I’m left voiceless because I never feel heard. I’m an introvert not by nature, but by my circumstances. Other people’s actions has caused me to become mute.
When people look at me I get nervous. When attention is casted on me my brain becomes more alert. I’m always searching for a problem in people. It’s too good to be true if their intentions are pure.
Taking a risk in love costs more than if it works. I’ll never understand how trust works.
I’m the chill one. I go with the flow, but really I don’t feel my opinion matters. I’ve been told too many times too, “shut up”. I’m scared my ideas won’t work. You see someone has told me so many reasons of why I suck.
I couldn’t fix him, but I was his only source of happiness. He was addicted. I was stuck. It was chaotic.
It went on for so long it became normal. You said you would kill yourself. I was trapped. I couldn’t leave. I still feel like my actions are on the line.
Be vulnerable. Release. Say what you feel. Confess. Freedom is coming your way they say. I wonder, how can I be free from something I didn’t do?
HIS RESPONSE:
Because my child you cannot take it away from yourself. Any action you do can’t make it go away. I sent my only son to die for you. I am a God of justice.
You are immortal. You will never die in the name of your Father. You have escaped death. Why won’t you escape this? My daughter put on the armor of God.
You are not voiceless. Let your Father speak truth through you. If people stare at you remember who created you. You are not mute. Let me work through you.
I your creator is perfect. My intentions are pure, so what’s stopping you? It is not a risk to accept my love. For if you grab it you shall have it. My love will never fail you. You’ll never have to forgive me.
Your opinions matter. Your ideas will work. If you pour your faith into me our plans will line up. Your Father doesn’t need fixing. I am slow to anger. I am patient. Allow your chains to break.
Be vulnerable to encourage others. Release so I can restore. Say what you feel so I can hear. Confess to draw me near. My love, freedom is coming your way.
God is holding my hand through the darkness, and as long as I keep seeking him light will shine through and light up my path.
A vision the Lord gave me not long ago was so beautiful. I was hiking on a windy day, and I couldn’t see in front of me. I stayed on the trail, but sometimes I would get blown away. He could see me struggling, but I was too stubborn to ask for help. He was broken hearted until I finally called upon his name. Things became so clear. He was walking beside me, holding my hand, and was pulling me back to the path. This reminded me of when I was a little girl. I never wanted anyone’s help. While crossing the street I did not want to hold my mother’s hand. She would grab it, and I would pull my hand away because I thought I could do it myself. All she wanted to do was protect me, and that’s what Jesus wants to do.
