Growing up, it seemed like I was known as “Jeff Johnson’s daughter.” I was always taught “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches…” Proverbs 22:1. Because this was instilled in me, I made sure that I walked, talked, and looked the part to which people expected. I wanted to live up to the expectations that people had set for me because of who I was. And while all of that was good and intended well, I missed the point. Yes, it is so important to honor family and have a good name, but I wasn’t living my life to please God. Who I was on the inside was not what I was portraying outwardly, in fact, I was living a pretty fake life. Most of the people who knew me would assume that I had a relationship with God early on, but honestly that didn’t happen until more recently.
I was so focused on living the right way OUTWARDLY but my INSIDE was so far from God. I would often get frustrated because I would try so hard to do right, but would frequently mess up and fail. When I got to college I thought that my relationship with God would take off, but honestly, the opposite happened. I ended up leaving college bitter and hurt. I had all of these dreams and goals that I had set up for myself and within one week of graduating everything I had dreamt about and planned fell through and I was left confused and devastated. It was one of the most hurtful times in my life.
I came back home and started working a full-time job, and also went back to the church I grew up at. However, during this stage in my life I felt so empty and unsatisfied. Because of this, I made poor decisions, had low self-esteem, and was extremely unhappy. I knew that God loved me and I knew that He had saved me, but my relationship with Him was almost non-existent.
Towards the end of summer 2017, my family and I received the absolute worst news of my life. Dad had stage 4 lung cancer? What? How could this happen? For whatever reason, I thought my family was exempt from things like that. Why would God allow this? My dad was the strongest, most godly person I knew. He was at the prime time in his life. The Spanish church and Reformers Unanimous were all going so well; people were getting saved and their lives were changing. Upon receiving this news, I felt like my entire world was falling apart. However, even though this was the worst thing that had ever happened at that time in my life, God used this to bring me closer to Him. For the first time in my life I really realized how much I needed God.
My entire perspective of life changed in an instant. Throughout the entire time my dad was sick and even up unto his passing, I saw the real meaning and purpose in this life. I got to see the impact my dad had made on people’s lives. My dad truly lived his life for others. He ALWAYS made time for his church and his family, even if it meant sacrificing his own needs and desires. As I analyzed my life, I realized how incredibly selfish I had been living. I was so focused on myself and my desires that I stopped caring for other people.
Another thing that God had been convicting me over the last year was getting re-baptized. Although I got baptized as a young child, I did not completely understand what that meant, and it wasn’t until more recently that I truly gave my life to Jesus. This past Sunday I had the incredible opportunity to get baptized at the church I have been attending since October. I publicly shared that I have solely put my trust and faith in God alone, and that I will follow wherever He wants me to go and what He wants me to do in this life.
In August 2019, I was sitting in church when it all clicked. The purpose for us as followers of Jesus is to share the gospel by spreading the love of Jesus. The pastor said it like this, and I will never forget it: “If we don’t love, we can’t see; if we can’t see, we won’t go.” Wow. That convicted me. Throughout the entire service, God kept putting the world race on my mind and heart. But He was also telling me that I needed to surrender everything. Surrender EVERYTHING? I thought I had done that before? But I hadn’t. There was still ONE thing I was holding onto. However, during that service, I surrendered that one thing I had wanted so badly for myself, that one thing I longed for, and that one thing that I kept holding onto (I will explain what that one thing was in another blog).
After that church service in mid-August, I came home and applied for the World Race. I honestly did not know that much about it. I knew it was an 11-month mission’s trip around the world- which was a big sacrifice in and of itself. This would mean I would be giving up a comfortable bed, hanging out with friends, being with family, “me time” (which is very important) and nice hot showers among many other things. What I DIDN’T know was that I would be living out of a backpack for an entire year, sleeping in sleeping bags and tents, showering and doing laundry with buckets of water, etc. But I knew that this was what God had wanted me to do. This missions trip isn’t going to be an easy journey, but God didn’t call us to do easy, convenient and comfortable things. I know that God is going to use The World Race to radically change, not only the people I will encounter, but also me.
