Disclaimer: there have been a lot of things on my mind while I am suffering a hardcore case of cabin fever, so this is going to be similar to a rant 🙂
Alright. I’ve been thinking about blog ideas for a while now, and originally it was going to be a regular life update, where I’ve been the past few months, etc. I’ll do that part quickly. From the beginning of 2020 up to the beginning of March, I have been a part of the musical at my school, which was the Little Mermaid, and it was awesome. All four years of high school, and this show was by far the best, and I’ve never felt closer to all the people that did it with me. Aaaand that’s when school shut down. You all know why. I’ve never hated a word more in my life. CoRoNaViRuS. Nasty. The last day we had was March 9, the last day of the show, and I’ve been stuck at home ever since. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I’ve always thought that I was the kind of person who would rather spend a night at home rather than out doing something with my friends, but I now realize how extroverted I really am. I have spent so many days depressed and crying because all I can see are the walls of my house, and all I can focus on is that the last part, the best part, of my senior year is over.
Some people feel great about all this time off, but if you can’t tell, I am STRUGGLING. I have been so fortunate in high school to have found a group of amazing best friends (y’all know who you are :)), an amazing community, great teachers, and even great classes. Spring break was supposed to end yesterday, and from this point on, I am supposed to have Prom, the senior one act plays, the awards show for high school theatre in Middle Tennessee, graduation, my brother’s wedding, summer trips, and then World Race. And now almost every single one of those things is unknown, and some of it has already been cancelled. And to top it all off, Tennessee is ALWAYS cloudy and raining. Doesn’t help.
This was supposed to be my year. So the fact that it has ended without any warning has broken my heart. I thought I had time to say my goodbyes, to process the years I’ve spent in high school, and to get ready for this next step in my life moving forward. The sad truth is that I’ve most likely already said my goodbyes, and I’ve probably had my last day of high school without knowing it at the time. I am so devastated thinking that the people I have spent the past four years forming relationships with, and growing closer to may never all be in the same room again. I blinked and high school was over. Don’t get me wrong, the schools are supposed to open in two weeks, but I have this sinking feeling that they will be closed for the remainder of the year, and I’m terrified for that phone call and praying that it doesn’t come.
I realize how whiny I sound, there are people that are dying from this virus, and closing everything down will be better in the long run but THIS SUCKS. It SUCKS. Life is kinda terrible right now. Writing this blog is making me even more upset ughhhhh.
I’m trying so hard to take this time to focus on Jesus, grow my relationship with Him and accept this situation I’m in, but let me tell you, it’s hard. This sadness that I’m battling is taking over my life. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and I probably sound really dramatic, but it’s true. One thing getting me through this and words that I keep reminding myself of are that God is not sitting back and saying “wow that sucks for you.” He feels every emotion I am feeling, and knows exactly how this is affecting me. And not to mention, God saw this virus coming from a million miles away. I need to take comfort in the fact that he knows exactly how this is going to pan out, and that He has a plan that only good things are going to come out of.
On a happier note, as of now World Race is still a go! In these next few days/weeks, I will be fundraising best as I can while sitting at home, and this time is going to be very helpful in getting major amounts of progress done!
So I guess all I have left to say is pray. Pray for my state of mind and for reassurance as I deal with the hardships of fundraising. Pray for the class of 2020, and give them comfort in this time of worry. Pray for the current racers that prepared for 9 months of ministry and had to come home early. Pray for the people whose lives are in jeopardy due to this virus, and just pray for overall healing of the earth. We need it right now.
I love you all with everything I have.
Hebrews 12:1
P.S. If anyone says “social distancing” to me, I will beat them up 🙂 use a different word. please.
