12.26.2019
If you become truly grateful and live a life overwhelmed with genuine thanksgiving, you will never ask another to be silent. You will never say to another “What you say holds no value”. Because the day you go deaf is the day you’ll wish you could have heard the symphony of the silenced only one more time.
If you become truly grateful and live a life overwhelmed with genuine thanksgiving, you will only ask others to sing just a little bit louder. Because the day you go deaf is the day you’ll look back on your times of hearing and be filled with the uttermost delight; knowing that every single moment, you listened like you would never be able to hear again.
___________
As I’m sitting at my desk, I am finding myself a tiny bit dumbfounded trying to figure out how on earth to start this thing. I wrote that little blurb last year (ha). I was in a place of tension. It came about from a very simple thing, something so small that offended me so immensely.
Those two little paragraphs up there are from my notebook. I don’t tend to share stuff from there a lot. But here I decided to share, so you might be able to see into my heart as I went through a little process called refinement. It’s kinda not fun, but it’s good.
I’ve found myself being refined by the Lord quite a lot recently. I’ve been growing. Learning. And it hurts. Because what I realized is that my heart was completely filled with the very ungratefulness I was writing about. Where no thanks were being given at all. It wasn’t the type of ungratefulness where I was like, “I HATE the fact that I HAVE to go to SCHOOL”. No. It was a type of ungratefulness where I wasn’t even aware of its reality. An unconscious type. I can only praise my Father as he began to help me see, and to understand, how horribly blind I can become sometimes.
I began to see how I was going out of my beautiful home every day, not even taking into consideration that I got out of a warm bed, into a car that I get the chance to call my own, and to a school that is completely paid for.
I began to see how I would hear my mom and dad come home from work and not even think once about rushing downstairs to give them a hug.
I thought about all the times I’ve told someone else to hush because I was talking.
I realized that I didn’t take the time to look up into the sky as I awoke every single day to thank the Lord for letting me see another sunrise.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I had spent some intentional time with the one my heart longs for.
How completely humbling refinement can be. How incredibly grateful am I for it.
Usually, when I mess up I never stop telling myself how much better I could have been. I don’t think I mean to. Because who wants to feel the pain and the weight and the shame of everything they do wrong weighing upon their heart? I definitely don’t, and I don’t think you want to either. But what makes refinement wonderful is that the very thing you don’t want to talk about, the thing you’ve spent so much time and effort trying to bury deep inside of your soul, is pulled out from within you and completely consumed by Love himself.
My God is so good, that He invites me to his table and allows me to sit right across from him. Then He lets me pick who is gonna sit next to me. This time, I allowed grace to take a seat before shame came and pulled out its own. It was the complete opposite of easy, though. I think the chair was made out straight uranium or something. But I did it with some help. Because with refinement comes abundant grace. I began to understand that as I continue to call this place home, I’m going to start asking myself to hush. To just shut up, and take it all in. And as I’ve begun to quiet myself, I’ve noticed just how loud and beautiful everything else is becoming.
Because the less me there is, the more of him there will be.
When I get up in the morning, I look out my window and I see the dark sky with its lingering stars, as it changes color when the light begins to meet the dark once again.
I get into my ’99 Jeep Cherokee that has no heat, and I find myself thanking God for the $80 dollar Carhartt jacket I found at TJMAXX.
I hug my momma tight when I see her. And I listen real hard when my dad tells me about his day.
Sometimes, I even turn the shower on cold. And I leave it there the whole time.
When you live a life overwhelmed with gratefulness, you’re never going to look back on your days and wish you had done something different. Because when you’re grateful, you become fully captivated by the life inside your bones and the beauty around you. It’s present in your home. In your classroom. In your workplace. All you have to do is be silent and look around. You will learn to persevere through the pain because you have a steadfast hope that healing will come right after. The promise of growth; the promise of Spring.
So tomorrow when you wake up, or the minute after you read this darn thing, take a minute, and stop. Stop thinking, stop talking, stop doing whatever you’re doing and look up at the sky. Look around at the faces in which you are surrounded. Listen to the symphony of the Earth. Touch the people close to you if you’re able. Smell the cold air that this Winter brings. And then give thanks to the one who deserves it. I promise you it’s worth it.
-Elijah
1 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
2 Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
3 Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!
5 For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100
