Where is my source? Where does my joy flow from, where does my peace come from? Where do I point to when I explain how healing and transformation have been the story of my past couple of years?
Being home 2 months now from India, I sit here with coffee in hand, writing my first blog really since being back. It has been a ride of emotions, of hardship, of joy, and of seeing God move in ways I did not think were once possible. The thing that remains out of all these things is this. I need constant repentance. I need constant surrender. So much has been on my heart to share with people when talking about the trip, or about Jesus, or about faith. One truth seems to keep coming to the surface more than the others though and its this: From the overflow, all else falls into place. Ref (Luke 6 :45) How do we as leaders, lovers, and disciples of Christ truly live and bring people to the table. How do we personally grow deeper in relationship with the Father and heal? It’s Jesus. It’s the source. It is making our wellspring of life be overflown by the creator Himself. It is not a relationship, it’s not money, it’s not the law and following rules and building barriers. It is a constant surrender and repentance to the one who already paid the price. To the one who is always gazing at us in perfect love, ready to move, ready to heal, ready to transform us like nothing else in this world can.
It takes a willing heart to truly surrender. To say, “Lord here I am, you can have it all”. All my striving at perfection and self-image. All my own pursuits of status, goodness, and self-righteousness. All my endless sin patterns and habits that I can’t just seem to grow out of and defeat. We as followers sometimes forget that He is our source. Where do we get off thinking we have the right to carry our burdens and pretend that we are righteous enough to walk through them ourselves? It fails, time and time again, and the weight on the soul is crushing. The whole time God is standing right by our side saying “Don’t you know, the price is already paid, let me take it, let me heal you, let me set you free”. IF we can truly understand who Jesus is and what the cross meant there is NO power in sin. There is no power in guilt, shame, condemnation. The reason I feel tired, broken down, ashamed, is because I live in a act of non-repentance, non-surrender, and a self-righteous dependence on my own “goodness”. Ah, but there’s something so much better. There’s a person. There’s a person who grace is all He is. Once we taste the grace and forgiveness of the Father, nothing else can ever match it. Once we realize that God cares more about our hearts and grace than our failures and our sin it changes everything. I will not preach a gospel of condemnation and or rules. When I sin, I do not let the shame or guilt have power of me, rather I turn it into a opportunity to worship Jesus, to invite him in to heal me, to guide me, to strengthen me. This is true repentance. It’s simply turning our attention off our own will and back on our savior, our perfecter, and the one who holds all the answers. The most practical thing I’ve found to do is to simply pray. Prayer, worship, and meditation on the word are all forms of repentance. When we meet God in this place, I know He loves to show up, with all He is, and He loves to fill us with His healing, His peace, His presence. Our wellsprings of life overflow with the love of the creator of the universe. Are you tired? Are you worried? Are you broken from a relationship? Are you struggling to throw off an addiction that has gripped you? Are you finding yourself weary, fearful, and tired from pouring out love on your family and friends and wonder why you feel the way you do? Maybe all it takes it setting aside time to turn our attention back on our source, Jesus.
The best place to lead from is a place of vulnerability. When Jesus is our source, our identity – the one our attention is on; vulnerability becomes less a scary thing, but rather one of the most powerful places to help others experience the never-ending grace of God. So gather close, see my heart, see it’s flaws, see its imperfection and mess, but see the freedom at hand, see the love and the source from which it flows. God doesn’t seek perfect people; He seeks those who are willing. Open to receive, to grow, to surrender our attempts at righteousness and goodness for something better. It’s something I’m working on, but during the process it’s been the most life giving journey.
A prayer to pray with me –
“Jesus, today, right now in this moment I surrender all I am to you. I give you my heart, it’s yours to heal, deliver, use. Would you give me your eyes today Jesus, so I can see others as you do. Would you give me your hands to serve and to bring people to your table. My one desire is to bring people to the table you made from the altar, because true joy and rejoicing takes place at this table. Help me bring other’s to your table Father.”
