Only Jesus
For a while, for years and years I spent seeking truth in every avenue I could find. I renounced my faith in Highschool and began to slowly turn my back on God. I knew who Jesus was and how great of a person He was. I knew deeply the feeling of His presence and His goodness. It was the same love that came in my highest moments, and even in my darkest. It was a love that came unconditionally from my mother, it was a feeling of warmth and of safety. The safety to peer deeply into the magic of life, on those cold winter nights as warmth danced around the room from a fire, and from my families faces. This safety, comfort, love and warmth, let me peer into the heart of things, to eagerly seek wonder and mystery with all I had. Yet slowly I took the magic I found and held onto it for myself, turning my back to God and forgetting that all the beauty, all the magic, all the warmth and love was not from the world or from my own, but above all from God. It is so easy to create idols in adolescence. It’s natural almost for our hearts to hold fast to wonder and excitement, and some of the most exciting things can easily become idols if we do not first recognize they are above all gifts from God, and they’re really really good, don’t get me wrong, but the temptation to lust after them, to idolize them, is great and real and above all dangerous. Again I want to say, I believe these exciting wonderful things are not bad at all. God delights in pleasure, music, wonder, and the excitement they are produce in our hearts individually. For He created it! Sometimes as believers we can get very pessimistic about things that are “not from God”, “secular” or “not in the bible”, to the point we cut off so much of what truly makes us happy in our life. When we do so we forget that God is above all SO GOOD, and wants to love us uniquely, as we are. That band you love, that movie you enjoy, those stars above, that one song you are crazy about and can’t stop dancing too, God’s there and He’s rejoicing along side of you. He’s saying GO! Go deeper into the wonder and the mystery and the beauty of my creation, just don’t forget about me. Don’t replace me with those amazing, exciting things, yet realize in humility that they all come from Heaven and from the Father’s heart.
With all that said, I want to justify my reasoning in the hope of showing some truth of the Father’s heart in the midst. When I eagerly sought wonder and joy in the things that made me happy, it was beautiful, fun, and incredible. Slowly however, I stopped seeking God. I turned my back on Him and began to try and try to replicate the same highs I was experiencing with certain things that again were from Him, but instead of them pointing to His heart, I took them and selfishly held onto them, used them to fill a void where His love used to reside. At the same moment I turned my back on Him, slowly the things that brought me joy started to get staler and staler, and I began seeking God in everything but Jesus. In Buddhism, Hinduism, meditation, chanting, music, clothing, artists, and my peers. In the long run this produced a deep-seated insecurity for as I replaced Jesus with things, I replaced my personality with things that I thought would make me better, cooler, and happier. Ah how I wish I would’ve known in my heart Jesus’s parable of the Wise and Foolish builders. Like those who built their house on the sand, I built my soul on things that had no substance to them. Again those things I built my soul on were not bad at all! They were beautiful and good, but the thing with beauty is that it’s not meant to replace God. It’s meant to be experienced and then be let go of. As one of my favorite song writers writes “Beauty is something that’s freeing, coming to touch never to claim” – Kevin Morby. However all beauty dissipates, life changes, emotions cannot be held onto, so they are constantly fleeting, and in the panic and anxiety I sacrificed parts of my self for a false identity, a plastic version of God. God cannot be replaced by emotions, wonder, beauty, or excitement. Jesus cannot be replaced by any person, feeling, identity, or belief. All things good under the sun are of His heart, and in turn are gifts from God. Slowly God has been healing me, restoring my heart and my mind. During fasting God spoke to me clearly – Let me love you as you are, in your uniqueness, in your enjoyment of music, art, literature, beauty, wonder, and creativity. Brent, these things are from me, and they are good, for they make you happy and will bring beauty and freedom into your life. They are gifts from me. They are gifts from heaven, because I love you so much. I created you uniquely because in your joy and excitement for life I will be shown. In your love and your joy others will see My son Jesus deeply intertwined in your heart. – Tears.
I couldn’t be walking in the freedom and restoration today without Jesus. In miracles and growth, in time and courage, in pain and anxiety, in death and life, God has shown me that when I turned my back on Him years ago, He never did. God is always pursuing us, wanting to just flood our lives with love and His perfect purpose for our lives. In that purpose is a whirlwind of wonder and joy. In that purpose is life desperately needing to be seen in the state of the world today. It’s powerful, strong, free, and wise, for It comes from God. When we humble ourselves, and make Jesus the lord of our lives, we are free to go deeper into that magic. We are free to be who we were truly meant to be. Not a single part of our personality and heart do we have to sacrifice to attain love, fulfillment, and joy. No amount of success or money can purchase this freedom from the name above all other names: Jesus. When we give our lives to Him, when we don’t put anything else above His name, our hearts and lives are restored. Our souls are blessed with wisdom and warmth. Our lives are transformed because we are bowing down to the Creator of the Universe whose plan for our lives is perfect, beautiful, and full of endless love. Following Jesus is not limiting. It is the direct opposite. It’s freedom perfected. It’s fun, wonderful, and more beautiful than anything else this world has to offer. Come on somebody.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him, He will make your paths straight”
Proverbs 3: 5-6
