I thought I’d be going to a place to bring good things and leaving knowing my team and I have done good things. Y E S!!! we did all those things, we brought good things. Jesus’ Good News of course and His helping hands. Think of all the things a mission trip should consist of, we did that 🙂 We have left Bangkok, Thailand knowing we have done good things. But we have left and we’re back in America and I don’t necessarily have a g o o d n e s s resting in my soul.
The Jesus inside me is stirring something up. I traveled all the way across the world (literally I did a 180 geographically lol) thinking this will be a trip of finalizing a summer season and stripping away any extra stench of the past. I thought I’d be grasping a thrilling joy and excitement from learning new things and seeing new things. I entered the trip with bucket loads of passion. With a mindset that the next month would be a fulfilling, refreshing and holy change because, I was channeling the inner adventure in me to go deeper into how exciting it is to take Jesus’s hand and do life.
BUT before I go any farther… please hear me say that Jesus is ALL of those things. And as you read more.. I’m not saying Jesus is not exciting. I’m not saying Jesus isn’t adventurous. I’m not saying that life with Jesus isn’t recommended. HIGHLY RECOMMEND HAH (if you are reading this and you don’t know Jesus…PLEASE message me. There’s so much life waiting for you. let’s talk friend). The man commanded storms to hush and raised His boy Lazarus to life at the sound of His voice.
~ King Jesus is wilder than the wildest out there. ~
This is what I am saying.
I am saying the refreshing, crazy and energetic hype of Jesus’ setting the captives free kind of power wasn’t on this season’s schedule for me to play ball with this month.
Feet leaving America. Feet first planted on the ground of Thailand. Feet walking around Thailand. Feet running. Feet dancing. Feet propped up during the night. Feet wandering. Feet standing. Feet boarding the airplane. Feet still. Feet heading back to America. Feet moving adventurously and passionately.
But my heart wrestling and feeling funny and unsettled.
Less than 1% of Thailand is Christian.
Sewage water up to ankles, flooding and sitting still for the floor of homes.
Young boys’ not given the freedom to make personal choices because, their futures are predetermined by their parents to become a monk in a temple during their teenage years.
People having to eat animal fat as a meal… maybe rice if it’s a good day.
Children fearful because families hang shame and dishonor over their heads if they choose Jesus.
A population of people poor in spirit and in health.
This is just a handful of reasons why the unsettledness in me isn’t making a joyful noise.
There was a great bowl of passion feed to the people we served, but there’s a sprinkle of compassion missing from this bowl.
I can’t sit here and tell you how GREAT and AWESOME and AMAZING my trip was.
Yes, Jesus and helping people is great and awesome and amazing and His name is above any other, the only one worthy of praise.
But because I have experienced what’s on the other side of the world. What it is missing and lacking and in need of.
I don’t have it in me to express joy knowing I have come back home. Back to America with…
The normalcy of easy access to MUCH food with MANY choices.
The normalcy to cheer each other on to choose what you want to do, where you want to go and who you want to become.
The normalcy of massive accessibility to Jesus and churches and the fact that you can easily buy a Bible at Walmart.
I don’t know how to eagerly bring a big thumbs up to say how wonderful my trip was. When it’s not very wonderful to me to come into a place to bring help, bring Jesus’ name and how loving He is and then leave to go back to the comfort of America, knowing Thailand is still in the state it was when we arrived. We made some changes there, but it wasn’t enough to pack bags and go back home. I’m unsettled about it because, there is so much work left to do. So much out there that needs approaching and assistance that we don’t even now about. Again, there was an abundance of passion, but what about compassion of staying long term and helping long term?
Jesus hung on the cross and said “it is finished”. All the dirt sin brings, the result of sin, death, all of it was killed off. it was done. It’s been paid for.
Jesus’ work on the cross has been done. But there’s another work He left us to do that’s secondary to the cross. It’s telling others. Not keeping Jesus for ourselves.
When God stepped out of Heaven to fulfill the scriptures of a Savior coming to bring an antidote to sin that goes beyond judgement so others could have a relationship with Him and He said “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…”, hear the ALL NATIONS part. That meant the parts of the world that don’t look like us, sound like us, think like us and live like us. All nations.
There’s a work unfinished and I’m back in America where we are worried about obtaining an outstanding GPA and keeping up with our shoe game. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone because, I am very guilty of this too. Just frustrated because we’re missing the purpose of us being here on earth.
Less than 1% of Thailand knows about Jesus and about 90% of America is Christian.
ummm W H A T T H E H E C K.
What are we doing? We’re keeping Jesus for ourselves when we should we inviting others, inviting the ones that don’t look like us, inviting the nations to come sit at the table with us and feast at the banquet of God’s Kingdom.
It’s more than a statistic. It’s more than something just to talk about. It’s more than our hermit, individual lives. It’s more than our income. It’s more than our Instagram. It’s something to move towards and do something about it. It’s a piece of God’s heart. He is concerned about. It’s a side of Him that is new to me, and I know He is not joyful about either.
What He had scheduled was to wake me up and grasp another level of His heart for people. For the nations. To see apart of Him that aches and hurts. To see that mission trips aren’t for us to gain a souvenir, to post pretty pictures, or to take a tour of the world to fulfill our bucket list of traveling. If we listen right, I think He wants to use mission trips to snap us out of the rut of the American dream. To break our hearts for what breaks His and do something about it. Approach it with speaking up and risking comfort.
I just got back and still trying to process all these things and nor do I have a clue what to do next.
All I know He has brought it to my attention, and I’m cool with whatever He wants to do. Waiting and listening for what’s next.
Please don’t hear me bashing mission trips or The World Race (highly recommend partnering with them if you’re interested and having your world shaken. some of the best community of people to walk in that with), me being negative or that God doesn’t care about your personal life!!! I am not saying that at all. I am sorry if you heard that!
Please hear me say that, us as humans, we have unfinished business to do, an eternal kind of business. And we are not guaranteed tomorrow. It’s hard for me to let the sun go down knowing that just Thailand alone has less than 1% of it’s people knowing Jesus. 99% of those people are believing in a dead god and a false god. Putting their hope in something that is hopeless, relationship-less and if they die tomorrow without knowing Jesus, eternal death is the reality. THAT’S NOT GOOD. They don’t have an abundance of churches like we do. The symbol of the cross isn’t a memory or remembrance of Christ’s blood that was poured out for us, it’s a fashion trend to wear around your neck. There is a lack of the true message of Jesus, the only source of life and a radical love that is richer than all the gold people are trying to sell and deeper than all the oceans humans want to sail.
My heart is just frustrated, aching and unsettled.
That’s all.
Please don’t take anything personal in this blog… I am calling myself out too.
But this is me post Thailand.
unprocessed and unsettled,
but willing to share what’s real and unedited.
