Hey everyone!!!
I have been on the race for 11 days now and towards the beginning of my arrival I received a key necklace from an organization called ‘Keys for the Journey’. (I have done a fundraiser with them if y’all remember) Pre-launch, an email was sent out offering launchers prophetic keys that were on sale. If you don’t understand how this prophetic key works, basically the giver prays over that key specifically for the receiver and the Lord gives them a word or two for the receiver of the key. I decided to buy this key and the two words I received were ‘Stand Firm.’
When I saw it I was like, “Oh, okay, yeah I can see why the Lord would give me this phrase”, but I didn’t actually understand how much I would really need to focus on these words. You see, I had this thought process that the Race was going to be amazing! I was going to have so much fun, learn so much and be on a Holy Spirit high all the time. I knew there were going to be moments that were hard but I just thought that because I was going to be so surrounded by Jesus I would still be on top of the world even in those moments. Boy was I wrong!
The first few days were extremely hard. I was very much missing my family. My mommy, daddy, sisters and my sweet doggies. We had been vacationing in Tennessee before they dropped me off on campus. Because we were so busy, the WR never felt quite real and I wasn’t dwelling on leaving so I wasn’t sad. I didn’t even cry that much when they left me. I was excited to meet people and I was focused on setting up camp, but the next day I was a complete emotional disaster. A pure mess! Not being with the people I have been with the past 19 years of my life is so hard! The first two days were the worst. If I talked about them or even thought about them I would sob. The days were okay because we were busy, but nights I would cry myself to sleep. It has definitely gotten better since then, but it is still so hard.
Abandonment/surrender has also been a very hard thing. I surrendered my life to Jesus and in doing so abandoned so many comforts. More than I thought I even had! I have learned from this journey that I am a glamper not a camper. I despise sleeping on the floor. I miss my bed. I despise the bugs and that no matter how hard I try to be clean, I can’t. I miss AC. Falling asleep is so hard because I’m sweating and then when it rains – don’t even get me started! I miss indoor hot showers. Bucket showers are freezing and we share the place with a bunch of critters like spiders, wasps and even a few snakes. I miss snacking. Having a cupboard always there so when I’m hungry I can go to it. I miss having more choices in my outfits. I even miss ice cold drinking water. All we get is lukewarm drinking water. I miss privacy and alone time. The only place you can find that here is in your tent or in the porta-potties, which- btw- aren’t that great either. There are so many comforts and freedoms that I took for granted at home and now that I don’t have them I’m like “Ughhhhhhhh!”
Then there was the fitness hike/run (I say run because I had to run half of it to make it)… and honestly the fitness hike was one of the hardest physical things I’ve ever done in my life. This 2.2 miles had to be completed in 38 mins with my big pack weighing about 43Ibs, but this wasn’t your ordinary hike. They said we would have to walk this giant hill twice and I thought it was the first hill which was pretty huge, but it was not. It began with this big hill and by the time I got to the top I was already tired. Next I ran the rest of the flat road before entering the wood trails. This was my favorite part of the hike because it was shaded and had lots of mini hills. I’d run down the hill and that would give me a boost to run up the next. But then came… THE BIG HILL!!! If any of you have read the book or watched the movie ‘Pilgrims Progress’, its like the hill the character Christian runs up and half way up he looses his burden and he is free. Well, this hill is like that except I didn’t get to loose my burden. (Haha) Just the first round took me about 8 minutes to complete. I was bent over, barely breathing and taking it snail pace, the smallest steps I could muster. Once I reached the top I was dead, but I had to make the circle again. The next time the “I Cant” hill came around (they call it this because a lot of people give up here or say they can’t make it), my body was on fire. Everything hurt! My legs, my shoulders, my lungs. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my leaders. Kyndal pushed me up half the hill and Austin pulled me the rest. They told me at the top I had 10 mins left to finish and I just started sobbing. I couldn’t! I couldn’t! I still had to make it to the road, run to the mailbox and back to the finish line to make it in time. More people came along beside me encouraging me and the whole way I just kept saying over and over the name of Jesus. I crossed the finish line and collapsed.
The next hardship was the loss of a teammate. Him and I had had a friendship before the race, just via text and calls, but still a friendship. When we finally got to meet in person and live life together we were so excited! Then after a week on the race with no explanation or goodbye, he decided to leave for reasons unknown. It is not my right to intrude on his business if he does not tell me himself. He told his team and they prayed over him which was beautiful to see. But it still hurt. I tried to figure out why. God had blessed him so much to be able to get here. Why would he leave? It rocked me a bit. The next few days felt strange not having him around.
Finally, after covering the basis of most of my hardships on this so far 11 day journey I have one more… sickness. Currently at this present moment I am not feeling too well and being in a post covid-19 world makes it all the more harder. You see, everyday we take a health assessment that either gives a green, yellow or red badge. You can probably guess what those mean. Green – good, yellow – caution, red – bad (You have covid). The past two days I have received a yellow badge and because of those I get daily calls from doctors making sure my symptoms aren’t progressing. I have to constantly wear my mask and social distance from my fellow teammates. The doc says its probably just a head cold but these things take a few days to blow over and if they continue I might have to go into isolation just for the safety of my fellow racers. I really despise the whole process and it’s just hard, you know?! When you’re not feeling too good all you want to do is sleep in your comfy bed or watch tv eating goldfish and a milkshake or receive nurturing from your mother. I don’t have these options.
(Wow! Forgive me if I overloaded you with all those hardships. Here comes the good stuff.)
Throughout all these hardships, changes were taking place. I wore that key around my neck the entire time but honestly never really thought about it until now. Me having to write this blog awakened me. I was like “Lord, how am I going to write a blog about everything that has happened to me these past few days without it be super crazy and all over the place confusing? Lord, it needs to work. It needs to flow.” You know what he said? “Stand Firm!”
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23
Stand firm in me! I’ve got you! Stand firm in my love. Stand firm in my comfort. Stand firm in my strength and stand firm in my rest. Stand firm in my plans for you. Believe they are good. Stand firm in me and know I will provide for you and protect you. Stand firm in my promises and my blessings I am ready to lavish upon you.
Everyone therefore who hears these words of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man, who built his house on a rock. The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it didn’t fall, for it was founded on the rock.” Matt 7:24-25
Stand firm in me – I am your rock! You will not be moved. You will not be shaken.
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11
Everything I have experienced over these past few days have been lies from satan. “I can’t do this. I can’t go on. I’m not good enough to be here if I’m already struggling this much. I keep crying. I can’t even post a simple blog.” But you know what…? The Lord is SO GOOD!
Through me being stripped away from everything I want or think I need, He in return is showing me who He truly is. He is showing me His power, His might and His love for me. He is teaching me how to fully rely on Him (F.R.O.G. Fully Rely On God). Through surrendering myself I am gaining heavenly treasures. Through these hardships I am being purified and cleansed and I am transforming into something even more beautiful than what I could have ever accomplished myself. Something I couldn’t have become if I stayed at home in my comfort zone.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I would love to be home in my warm bed, or on my couch having movie night with my family, but I choose to say ‘yes’ and I choose to ‘stand firm’ because I want to see the beauty come from these ashes. I want to discover the amazing purpose the Lord has for me and become the woman he wants me to be. I want to see the Kingdom of God here on earth and I want to fall so deeply in love with Jesus that I can do or go wherever he calls me because he deserves my everything!
Thank you all for being so patient with me in updating you all. I will do my best to post more but no promises. Please be praying for me…for my sickness to go away and for this amazing mindset of standing firm to continue. I as well will be praying for all of you.
Lots of Love,
Alex 😀
P.S. Here’s my key. 🙂
