This is a really real blog for me. It’s not edited but instead it came straight from my journal. Im sure you’ve seen my squadmates posts on instagram about the World Race not always being as fun and exciting as its portrayed in our pictures or our blogs. Well this is an inside look of how my heart has actually been doing recently. Honestly I’m not always learning something, I’m not always jumping off bridges, or witnessing physical healings… I mean sure that stuff does happen and it has happened but most of the days on the Race are pretty mundane and Lord is asking me to be content with that and continue to pursue Him and Him alone.
Dear Dad,
Sorry I’ve been avoiding you. No matter how much I wish you’d just go away sometimes… I’m glad you don’t, and never will. I guess rebellion just seems so much more enticing. Even if I forget about you the whole night and I’m busying worshiping some worldly thing that brings me pleasure, you wait patiently for me to get home. Not to scold me or even punish me, but to tell me how much you love me. I don’t deserve you- but before I can even spit those words out, you tell me I am enough and that I’m worthy of your love. You want to hang out with me when if feel sad and alone, but also when I feel happy and having fun with my friends. Ive never met someone as jealous for me as you are. You aren’t a dad that comes and goes but one who stays patiently waiting for me and knows me completely. Im sorry I haven’t taken the time to get to know you. Everyone says you’re a good Father, and I don’t know why I can’t see that for myself. When I try to run away from you, you run after. Im thankful you give me the freedom to run and even allow me trip so that you catch me and remind me of your reckless love, every. single. time. Please capture my heart once again. Remind me why I loved you so deeply in the first place, enough to leave everything comfortable just to be with you in every moment, big or small. Turn me into a daddy’s girl again, I miss spending time with you. I’m ready for out daddy- daughter dates to begin again. I love you.
