Can I be real with you all?
Can I be honest and vulnerable?
Can I pour out my heart?
The Lord has REALLY been working on me the past three weeks on 2 big things, my pride and my fear of man vs fear of God. Growing up I had this idea in my head that I had to be perfect. I was terrified to be a disappointment. I even currently don’t know how to ride a bike because of fear. Fear if falling. Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing the people trying to teach me. I thought if I made the decision to not learn how to ride a bike somehow that would make it ok because then I just decided I can walk and I dont need a bike. So when I fell down, or when i tried to ride and it and just could not do it at all I wouldn’t be a disappointment. I would often times hurt and tell myself it’s what I deserved and I shouldn’t reach out for help because my problems are not as big / bad as other peoples problems. This mentality followed me throughout my life. Infact I still struggle with it today. I am learning it stems from pride and a fear if man vs a fear of God. Which is not ok with me. I want to be Holy as he is Holy. I want to walk out in righteousness. I want to believe and trust God in all things including how he thinks and feels about me rather than turning to how man thinks and feels about me.
I have recently been a spot where these feelings have come up strongly. You see as of September 26th I was supposed to have $5,000 dollars in my account. As of today I have $1,380. My head started asking why? What is this? Didnt God tell me this is where I am supposed to be? What will people think? Along with many other questions that if I am not careful can lead me down a dark path I do not want to go down. But I genuinely wanted to know why, because I strongly felt God leading me to the World Race.
That’s when the Lord really began to highlight to me my fear of man vs fear of God. I had to repent because I allowed the truth of “God will provide” to allow me to continue to walk on fear of man by not stepping out and not asking for help. I dont want to be a burden on people (lie). I dont want to look like a beggar (lie)…. I could go on and on about the lies that i have believed. The thing is though even if they arnt lies even if some people may think I am being a burden or even if some people may think I am a beggar there opinion of me doesn’t stand a chance to the opinion of the one who created me.
So what does this mean Michelle? You did not meet you deadline. You are learning how to repent from pride and a fear of man, that’s great but what does it all mean?……
Well thankfully by the grace of God I have have been given a grace period to meet my goal. During this grace period I am going to work diligently in crushing my fear of man and going after the desires God has put in my heart.
One of my first youth camps the theme was Mt Kilimanjaro a mountain range in Africa. Our small groups where all countries in Africa, mine was Uganda. That week was when I knew I had a desire to go to the nations. I could not get enough information about the people snd their culture. By the end of high school I was telling people I was going to live in a tent snd go to countries no one else wanted to go to because those people need Jesus too. I have gone on a few mission trips outside of the USA and have been told I glow while gone, I look refreshed, my smile is brighter. I have been told when I talk about the nations and mission trips everything changes and I radiate with joy. I say all of this to say that God has put the nations on my heart, he has also provided me an opportunity to GO to 11 + of them. So why on earth would I allow what people think keep me from doing the very thing God has put on my heart 10+ years ago.
I have allowed my pride and my fear of man get in the way for far too long so today I am laying it down at the feet of Jesus and I am running full force ahead to the desires that God himself has put in me.
So I am asking you for your help. I need financial partners. There are many ways you can help me. I currently need monthly donors, you can become a monthly donor by clicking the donate button on the top of the page.
I am also selling tshirts that you can preorder for 20 dollars. The design is not yet posted but hopefully it will be by this coming up week (first week of October).
I am doing an adopt a mile fundraiser feel free to reach out to me about more info on that.
I am also doing an adopt a day fundraiser which is one of my favorites you can choose any day of the year you would like and adopt it for $15 (or any donation you choose). Then on that day I will send you an email with pictures and a little note about what happened on that day.
Thank you
For reading this far
For supporting me
For His Glory,
Michelle
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