Let me tell you about the worst day. Yeah, probably not what you expected after reading that title. Forewarning: this one is real vulnerable. But the “beautiful thing” is what God did at the end of the worst day.
So, at ministry one day, the day started off really well. We had a relaxing morning (kind of), where we cleaned, and prepared for a program that Pan De Vida (the ministry that we partner with) was putting on. This event is geared directly towards the thousands of Venezuelan people, fleeing their own country at the moment, because of the toil that their nation is in. Pan De Vida collected hundreds of articles of clothing to give to these people. After receiving clothes, they got to sit, and worship, and hear the gospel, as well as listen to a legal professional explain to them how to legally stay here and apply for a visa, in Ecuador. Then, they got a free, hot meal. Most of them, hadn’t eaten in days. We were so excited for this program to happen, and our team had spent days sorting clothing so that it would be organized for them to find what they needed. Here is how the day really went:
A few of us woke up not feeling well, so the day started slightly rough.
We didn’t have the clothing set up on the tables at the time we aimed for.
The clothes got so mixed up, my team had to re-sort them all over again, after spending days sorting them.
I was yelled at in the kitchen, for not burning the food in order to get it cooked faster.
Some girls on my team had to deal with snarky comments from other people they had to work with.
We had to stay an hour later than we thought, last minute.
When I thought I couldn’t take anymore, I had to keep my face on and keep my tears back as I spent time with very high energy kids.
Plus it was extra cold today, who likes that??
But the hardest part, was the spiritual heaviness and heartbreak that we never expected to feel today, when we woke up this morning.
The program that we put on, as I mentioned, was geared towards Venezuelan refugees that have come into Ecuador over the past few weeks. We kind of knew the situation that they were in, as much as the news could tell us at least. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I encourage you to look into it. Basically, their currency now holds no value, as their infrastructure is falling apart, and they nation most likely soon to follow. In the last week alone, 70,000 refugees have come into Ecuador. Today, we only got to serve 70 of them.
We knew the situation was hard, and these were going to be broken people, but we were nowhere near prepared to actually meet them face to face. These people came in, having not eaten in 3-4 days. They left everything they owned behind, and only came with what they had on their body. Last year, Houston was hit hard by a hurricane (Hurricane Harvey), and there was a ton of flooding. My family’s house did not flood, but thousands of families were not as lucky. But, we were projected to flood, and began preparing to evacuate. I had to think about what important items I would bring, and began facing the scary reality that I would have to leave my life behind, and it would not be the same when i came back. Luckily, that never happened, but I do remember how I felt, thinking about having to do so. And I have friends that did have to face that reality. I had family living in my home with me, because they had to face that reality. I remember how hard it was for them, having to throw away so many damaged belongings, and tear apart the home that they grew up in, in order to repair the damage that the water did. This was heartbreaking to witness. But I cant even imagine the way that these Venezuelan people feel right now. They had to leave everything behind. Families were split up. Pregnant women, with 3-4 children already, and no husband to accompany them. They didn’t have a safe place to go. At this moment, they are on the streets of Ecuador and Colombia. They are starving. They are freezing. They have nothing. They are hopeless. One man who came through the gates at Pan De Vida, sat with his mother as she died in the street, the night before we met him. Children who were confused as to why their life was uprooted. Parents facing the burden of not being able to provide. Not being able to provide answers. Not being able to provide warmth. Not being able tp provide shelter. Not being able to provide food or water. People, with hearts and with souls, broken to pieces, and no where to look for hope. We encountered 0.1% of them, and were able to share the hope of Jesus with them. The way that I felt when Hurricane Harvey devastated my city, is only a fraction of the pain and heartbreak that these people feel, and I can not imagine it. I can not fathom it. My heart breaks over and over, as I see the image of the mass of people outside of the gates, over an hour before they even opened, because they were in desperate need of clothing, a warm meal, and hope. There hasn’t been a moment that I have been able to stop thinking about it, and my heart is in shambles. My whole team came home that night, and just cried in the dark, together. There isn’t much that we can do. And that’s the worst feeling.
It began to raise some questions, some hard questions. Why them? Why not us? Why did God place us into loving homes, in a stable nation, and He placed those people into a nation that He knew would crash and burn. Why them, and why not us? We sat on that question, and cried some more. One of our leaders came in, and she is one of the wisest people that I have ever met. Any time we have a deep question, she has a deep, wise answer. So we were sure she would be able to put our minds at ease. We sat, in the pitch black dark, and asked our question, and she answered with one, simple sentence. She said “The real question God is asking you is, what are you going to do about it?”
The heartbreak and spiritual heaviness that I have felt over the last few days has been intense, and something that I was not prepared for coming to Ecuador this summer. Hearing about these things is one thing, but seeing these people face to face is another thing. That night, as we all felt similarly about the day, we decided to spend some time in worship before bed. The song beautiful things came on, where the chorus says
“You make beautiful things
you make beautiful things
out of the dust
You make beautiful things
you make beautiful things
out of us”
As I sat there, declaring those things over myself, the Lord really spoke to me in my brokenness. He said,
Today was the dust. Today was hard, and tough, and not the most fun thing to experience. It was truly the dust. But, I will make something beautiful out of it. What these people are going through, is the dust. It sucks, and it’s hard, (and there is nothing that I can say or express to justify their pain). They are truly experiencing the dust. However, I can still make something beautiful from their situation.
How true?!! Some days, some seasons, are simply that- the dust. And God creates beautiful things from the dust, and from us.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”
Romans 8:28
Why He chose to break all of our hearts, by witnessing a situation that we can not fix, I don’t know the answer to. And I don’t know an answer to my previous question, as to why them and not me. But I do know that God intends to create beautiful things out of the dust. And to the question our leader challenged us with, “What are you going to do about it?”, man, I really don’t know. But I do know that He broke my heart for a reason, and I do not intend to go home and do nothing. It may have nothing to do with these Venezuelan people specifically, it may have everything to do with them. Because the truth is, there are millions of people in my own nation, and all over the world, that are in desperate need of hope. In desperate need of Jesus. In desperate need for someone to care for them. Say a prayer for me, as I lean into the Lord for answers to these questions, and as I trust that I don’t need to know all the answers right now. And say a prayer for the thousands of people that, as you read this from the comfort of your home, office, or whatever it may be, these people are in the streets, starving, lonely, freezing, hopeless- living in the dust.
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, then who can be against us”
Romans 8:31
