Hearing God’s voice is something I really struggled with in the past year, especially in times of need. I often asked myself “why can’t He just shout what He wants me to hear?”
This was a hard battle to fight because for a while, it made me feel like maybe I wasn’t a good enough Christian. I was scared of being judged or misunderstood so I didn’t ask anyone for help- I just tried to focus on reading my bible and attending church every Wednesday and Sunday hoping that would wrack up points for me to hear the Lord. As a result of all the things I was feeling, I stopped praying for answers because I felt that there wasn’t anything left to do to make God answer me. I told myself that it would’ve already happened by now.
“For I am in the whisper” is a verse that resonated with me throughout this school year. To me, this verse means that even though the world is loud and chaotic, He is still there even through hardship when it’s most challenging to hear Him. So here I was, putting all my trust in the lord, knowing in my heart He was with me but still unable to hear Him.
This past week, I’ve come to understand the power and importance of prayer. For the past few days, I don’t think there was an hour that went by where my team I weren’t praying or worshiping, and I truly hadn’t felt this connected with the Lord in a long time.
One of the things my team leaders encouraged us to ask the Lord for was for Him to reveal something that we might have been blinded to throughout this past year, so I did just that. I had finally heard the Lord (AMEN) but when he spoke all I heard was “for I am in the whisper.” I quickly got angry, as I didn’t understand why the Lord was putting that verse on my heart so profusely when it was something I felt as though I already knew.
I had read this verse what feels like 100 times throughout the past year and it kept me grounded in a way. But I chose to trust the Lord because maybe this is what he needed me to hear. Instead of getting frustrated, I simply asked the Lord to see this verse in a new light. After lunch that day, we had a session on intimacy. The guest speaker started off by saying how intimacy means being close to someone and he continued to stressed the importance of having a relationship with the Lord. I felt conflicted in that moment, but I came to the realization that none of my identity and what I believed it was came from His word. Instead, I chose to put my identity into achievement, success, and reputation. Over time, it became very apparent that my relationship with the Lord wasn’t what I thought it was. I wasn’t close enough to Him to hear Him. He whispers because he wants us close to him. Because isn’t being close to someone is the only way to hear them when they whisper?
I just wanted to share with all of you what God has been pressing into my heart for these last few days. Sometimes obeying God isn’t the most comfortable situation, as it requires being vulnerable, which is a big fear of mine. But the Lord didn’t promise comfort, He promised that he’d be along side us when he says “And surely I am with you always to the end of ages.”
