If you are still reading these blog posts, I appreciate you! haha The last few blogs that I wrote were more so to help me process. I love to write and writing has always been my form of venting and distressing. From poetry to blogs, writing my feelings and thoughts down have always helped me process my emotions. This blog specifically, however, is more so for you. I have had such a heavy heart recently for those who are hurting. Everyone has their own struggles and heartaches. I know that I have mine. Sometimes the weight of those burdens get so heavy. Too heavy to even carry. But that is the thing- you do not have to carry them. In fact, you were never meant to.
Whoever you may be…this is for you.
Maybe you struggle with anxiety. Maybe depression. Perhaps drugs and alcohol. Maybe you find yourself constantly battling suicidal thoughts. Please do not give up. Whether it is anxiety, depression, drugs, alcohol or self-hate, I want to assure you that there is hope. My heart has been so heavy from the depression I see in the people I know and love. I’ve looked into eyes that scream out for help. I look at the faces of those who are desperate to change. I look at hearts that are broken over and over again. I look at boys who would do anything to fit in, have fun, and live without regrets. Then I see young adults going to prison because of their addiction. I see girls who grew up without a father figure to teach them what love is. Then I see women who give their bodies away like they are toys because that is their meaning of love. I see couples staying together because that abusive, toxic, manipulative relationship is what they think they deserve. I see people struggling with depression and anxiety and feeling hopeless. As if that road, that tunnel, has no end. I have experienced people with so much hate in their hearts that they do not even recognize love when it is right in front of them. I see these things and my heart breaks. During my prayers, I have found myself a lot recently saying, at least once, “God, I do not understand”. I have quite literally cried out, “Why. Why is this happening. Why can’t they see. Why wont they change. Why can’t they feel your love.” Honestly, I do not know if I have the answers to those questions. However, as I was sitting her tonight, reciting my “Why God…” questions and crying out the words “I just don’t understand”, I was reminded of a song :
Why God
By: Austin French
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv_Pf7bDZj4
Do people have to die?
A daughter or a son
Sudden and so young
Long before their time?
Do people fall apart?
A promise and a ring
Becomes a broken thing
A road that got too hard?
But I understand
It’s, why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s, why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side
Do we feel so alone?
Every single day
Fighting through the pain
Hoping there is hope?
But I understand
It’s, why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side, ooh…
I need to know when it hurts this bad
That You hold my heart when it breaks
And I’m not alone in this place
Why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s, why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side
Always right by my side
Even here in the why… God
