If you are still reading these blog posts, I appreciate you! haha The last few blogs that I wrote were more so to help me process. I love to write and writing has always been my form of venting and distressing. From poetry to blogs, writing my feelings and thoughts down have always helped me process my emotions. This blog specifically, however, is more so for you. I have had such a heavy heart recently for those who are hurting. Everyone has their own struggles and heartaches. I know that I have mine. Sometimes the weight of those burdens get so heavy. Too heavy to even carry. But that is the thing- you do not have to carry them. In fact, you were never meant to.

 

Whoever you may be…this is for you.

Maybe you struggle with anxiety. Maybe depression. Perhaps drugs and alcohol. Maybe you find yourself constantly battling suicidal thoughts. Please do not give up. Whether it is anxiety, depression, drugs, alcohol or self-hate, I want to assure you that there is hope. My heart has been so heavy from the depression I see in the people I know and love. I’ve looked into eyes that scream out for help. I look at the faces of those who are desperate to change. I look at hearts that are broken over and over again. I look at boys who would do anything to fit in, have fun, and live without regrets. Then I see young adults going to prison because of their addiction. I see girls who grew up without a father figure to teach them what love is. Then I see women who give their bodies away like they are toys because that is their meaning of love. I see couples staying together because that abusive, toxic, manipulative relationship is what they think they deserve. I see people struggling with depression and anxiety and feeling hopeless. As if that road, that tunnel, has no end. I have experienced people with so much hate in their hearts that they do not even recognize love when it is right in front of them. I see these things and my heart breaks. During my prayers, I have found myself a lot recently saying, at least once, “God, I do not understand”. I have quite literally cried out, “Why. Why is this happening. Why can’t they see. Why wont they change. Why can’t they feel your love.” Honestly, I do not know if I have the answers to those questions. However, as I was sitting her tonight, reciting my “Why God…” questions and crying out the words “I just don’t understand”, I was reminded of a song :

 

Why God

By: Austin French

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv_Pf7bDZj4

Why God
Do people have to die?
A daughter or a son
Sudden and so young
Long before their time?
Why God
Do people fall apart?
A promise and a ring
Becomes a broken thing
A road that got too hard?
I don’t understand
But I understand
Why God, I need You
It’s, why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s, why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side
Why God
Do we feel so alone?
Every single day
Fighting through the pain
Hoping there is hope?
I don’t understand
But I understand
Why God, I need You
It’s, why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side, ooh…
Give me a faith stronger than I have
I need to know when it hurts this bad
That You hold my heart when it breaks
And I’m not alone in this place
That’s why God, I need You
Why God, I run to Your arms
Over and over again
It’s, why God, I cling to Your love
And hold on for dear life
And I find, You are right by my side
Always right by my side
Even here in the why… God
 
I couldn’t just choose one part of this song because I truly believe these are powerful lyrics that are going to speak to each of you in different ways. For me, It was that last, bold part- “Always right by my side. Even here in the why…God.” Even when I am asking why. Even when I do not understand why this world has to be so ugly and so painful. He is still right here beside me. When you ask your questions to God, He does not walk away from you and distance Himself from you. In fact, He actually draws nearer to you. The truth is, however, we may not receive the answers we were hoping to hear. A lot of times, the hardest option is the answer. And it is…hard. But you have to push through. God is there. He does hear you, I promise. I was there. I felt as though God was a million miles away. I felt as though I was completely alone. I had a million and a half questions for Him but zero motivation to even ask them because I had fallen into the trap of anxiety and depression. I gave up on anything that could possibly be good in this world. Later on, I asked God where He was in that moment; when I felt so alone, broken and confused. And He showed me. He showed me exactly where He was in that moment and how He was protecting me, even though I did not see Him at the time. You see, God is there for you. He loves you with a love that in incomprehensible to any of us on this side of Heaven. Please, keep pushing. Do not give up. His victory in your life is right around the corner. I promise you are not alone. I promise, not everyone has given up on you. You are not the only one who has made mistakes and felt like a failure. I promise. You do not have to stay in the pain that you are in. You do not need to be bound by the shackles of drugs, alcohol, depression and anxiety that hold you as prisoner. God wants to rescue you. He wants to use you. Your story. This pain. This addiction. God wants to use that, that bad, and turn it into good. You are never too far gone for God to rescue, restore and renew you. You have a purpose on this earth and God has a beautiful plan for you, for your life and for your mistakes. Allow Him to touch you, heal you and forgive you. 
 
Make the decision to change. Once and for all. To give your life back to Him. To surrender it all.
 
Remember the joy you once had? Before the depression, anxiety or addictions took over? You can have that joy again. It might be hard to get there, but I promise you, it is so worth it. Besides, when you ask Christ to help you through it, you are no longer needing to heal alone. You are His child. He has been walking beside you this whole time. He just wants you to reach up and grab His hand. 
 
Whoever you may be…this is for you. And God wants you to know that He loves you and that you are not too far gone for His grace and mercy to reach.