Have you ever experienced a “coincidence” before? The definition of a coincidence is – “A remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent casual connection”. Well, this happened to me last week, except I’d call it more of a “God thing”. I don’t believe in coincidences anymore. My God has everything planned out so perfectly. The sooner you recognize coincidences as God things, the more often you will see His hand at work in your life. I experienced my first inner healing last week, October 15th. If you don’t know what an inner healing is, it’s when someone is interceding between you and God in order to help process and heal something inside of you. Keep that in mind, I’ll get back to it.
Before we left the United States, we had a three day training camp to help prepare us physically, emotionally and spiritually for our next three months on the field. While we were there, God showed me a picture of a tree that had fallen down and the roots were pulled up out of the ground. I asked Him what He was trying to tell me through this and He said I was going to have to break in order to grow back stronger. The first month after I had that vision, I did just that- I broke. Everything that has hurt me in my past came back up and stung just as painfully. However, through that, I experienced forgiveness, healing and recognized the lies that Satan had been building up inside of me the past four years through painful experiences.
Go back to the inner healing topic. When we began the inner healing, I asked God what He wanted to bring up and heal through the session. He took me back to the picture of the fallen down tree. Except this time He zoomed into the roots of the tree that have been torn up from the ground. And He told me, “I want to focus on the root of the problem- the reason why this tree was not able to be healthy and sustained. The lies. I want you to focus on the lies that have taken over your mind and your heart.” My leader, who was interceding and helping me process what I was hearing, asked me what lies I was believing. For four years, I have been believing that I am not good enough, not worthy, not valued and hard to love. I knew these were the lies the Holy Spirit was referring to as the “root” of the problem. My leader asked me where these lies stemmed from. God took me back to a painful situation that I was in that had made me believe that there would always be someone better than me. Multiple instances followed that original situation that made those lies so much easier to believe. In that, Christ spoke so much truth into. He told me that I am not defined by other people. I am a Child of the One True King which makes me His Princess. I AM valued. I AM worthy. I AM loved. I AM enough because my identity is found in Christ; not in a bad relationship. As soon as I declared these truths out loud, my leader said that Christ gave her a picture of the roots on the fallen down tree being completely ripped out by Christ. Then He planted a new little, baby tree that was rooted in truth and would bare the fruits of the spirit in order to thrive. For about two weeks prior to my inner healing, I’ve noticed that God has been giving me and strengthening the fruits of the spirits inside of me ever since training camp…in order. Love, joy, peace, patience and kindness so far. How cool?! He is showing me that He has already planted this new tree, with roots of truth, and He has already been growing it, growing me, to be fruitful. He is so faithful. He has been growing the tree rooted in truth before the tree rooted in lies was even pulled up and discovered. He has been healing me before I even realized how much healing I needed.
The story of my amazing “God thing” isn’t over just yet. We wrote our name on a piece of paper if we were interested in having an inner healing session. I specifically wrote my name towards the bottom of the list so that I would have time to think about it and if I decided I didn’t want to do it, I’d be able to cross my name off. Guess who went first. Yep, I did. God knew I’d think about it too much and change my mind. He couldn’t let that happen. Wow, right?? That’s not it though. That situation that I talked about earlier, the one that all of the lies stemmed from- happened on June 15th almost four years ago. The 15th of every month after that for about six months, was a terrible day that consisted of me in my room, crying and believing all of the lies Satan was telling me. If you remember at the beginning of this post, my inner healing took place on the 15th. God used a day that had rooted so many lies and brokenness within me, to mark the day of healing, restoration and new roots of truth. Coincidence? No. God thing. He is so particular in everything He does. Even the little things have meaning and importance to show us just how awesome He is.
Not even 48 hours after my inner healing took place, I received a message from someone who was part of that situation four years ago, who I have not heard from since. Coincidence? Nope. God thing? I’m not totally sure actually. Part of me thinks it was actually Satan trying to pull me back down and make me believe all of the lies again. However, God stepped in and made a God thing out of it. He reminded me of truth. He also allowed me to realize that I actually do see my worth and my value. Even though my anxiety started with this situation four years ago, I was not anxious at all. I was actually very peaceful. I felt so guarded and so protected. I knew Satan wasn’t going to win this time. I felt like David when he went up against Goliath. He knew God was on his side and He was gonna win. God used a situation that Satan intended to use to hurt me, to speak more truth into me and to bring me even more healing. I realized just how much of that situation four years ago was actually a spiritual battle and not a fight against flesh and blood. The person who hurt me isn’t who hurt me at all. He was used by Satan to take me down and make me believe lies about myself. Realizing and accepting that makes it so much easier to forgive and move forward.
God continues to make me feel more and more peaceful and free. Before I left home two months ago, my best friend told me something that has held such a huge meaning to me on this trip. He said, “Don’t go through this whole Word Race thing expecting that at the end you will find yourself, go do this to lose yourself.” Y’all, I’ve completely lost myself on this trip. I am not the same person I was when I left home. I am free. I am peaceful. I am filled with more joy than I have ever experienced before. I am healed, redeemed and forgiven. I have new hope and I have a whole new outlook on life and situations. Wow…my God, my Papa, my Father is beyond amazing and faithful. I will forever be thankful for my time here in Asia and for all that Christ has done, and will continue to do, in my heart and soul during these three beautiful months.
