Almost everyone has heard or read about the story of The Cross. If you have not, that’s okay, because I’m about to tell you now using Romans 5:8. This verse was brought to my attention in a rather special way :
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
-Romans 5:8
God sent His one and only son to die for you and I – to carry our burdens and our sins on His shoulders. I don’t know about you, but my burdens alone weigh me down; let alone everyone else’s (Good thing I don’t have to carry them on my own!). God was and is perfect, therefore, He did not have any of His own burdens or sins to carry. Instead of keeping it that way, He sent Jesus to die a criminal’s death so He could hold all of our burdens and sins on His own shoulders, as long as we ask Him to. However, because of the free will He allows us to have, He knew that some of us may never even ask to be forgiven and saved. That did not stop Him from sending His son, Jesus, to save all those who are lost. Every single person that hurt Him, mocked Him, and told lies about Him are included in that as well. He died for them. He knew that they may never want His forgiveness, but Christ still died for them, you and me, in hopes that one day we would make the choice to allow our sins to be forgiven and our shoulders to be free of burdens. The more and more I think about this verse, the more blown away I am! God’s love for us is nothing short of incredible. I make just as many mistakes as the next person. Even still, Christ forgives me every time and continues to love me and accept me as His daughter. How beautiful! God is such a loving, merciful, forgiving and gracious God. We are to be Christ-like so we, too, should hold these characteristics.
Do me a favor and picture someone in your head who has hurt you. Someone who either spoke lies about you, or to you. Someone who hurt your character and your spirit. Maybe this person left you broken and alone. Or maybe this person has physically or mentally harmed you. When thinking about this person, do you get angry? Does your heart still ache with pain? Are you eager for revenge? Or, does your heart break for them because they don’t know the love of Jesus? Do you love this person? If your answer to this last question is “no”, are you being the person God called you to be? Are you being Christ-like? Are you any better than the person you’re picturing in your head?
These are all questions that God asked me last Friday afternoon. I sat in His presence for about five hours trying to answer these same questions. I came to a very disappointing conclusion :
God revealed hate that has been stirring in my heart. I had true anger that was only growing stronger. I had bitterness that was molding me into a person that I hardly recognized. All of these things stemmed from a few different situations over the past four years. God has brought these very painful, very dark, very broken situations to light over the past month. I tried to put a band-aid on a cut that actually needed stitches and it didn’t get the proper care to heal correctly. God prepared me for this moment a month ago at training camp when He told me that He was going to need to break me down in order for me to grow back stronger and to thrive. There have been people who have hurt me, broke me, lied to me, used me, played me, made me question my value and worth, and has told lies about me. I justified burying the anger and resentment towards them as “forgiveness”. However, every time I thought about them and what they did to me, my blood began to boil again and my heart began to break again. This is because I had yet to truly forgive them and the pain the caused me. In Psalm 103:2 , David explains that when Christ forgives our sins, He separates it from us (as far as the east is from the west) and He doesn’t even remember it. If we are to be Christ-like, we have to model His forgiveness and forget the wrong that was committed against us; not just bury it until the next time it comes to mind (like I did). God really laid the word “forgiveness” on my heart as I began to question what all I needed to do during this transition period between my old and new seasons. Then, as clear as day, God revealed to me a situation in which I have yet to forgive the person who hurt me. For five hours Friday afternoon, I sat in silence, drawing close to Lord, listening for the words of which I was to say to this person. He asked me to say some difficult things. Some of which I did not understand the reasoning behind. However, He quickly cleared that up for me as I searched in His Word what exactly “forgiving someone who has hurt you” means. I began to question whether or not I truly forgave him/her (mainly because I was trying to find any possible reason to not complete this difficult task) but then God showed me a passage in His word that made me realize that I don’t want revenge for this person. In fact, I don’t even want God to punish this person for what they did to me…I just want Him to love and forgive him/her so that they will one day be able to live with Christ for eternity. So I realized I truly did forgive this person in my heart and as I was typing up the message using the words God placed on my heart, I heard the Lord whisper to me, “wait”. I had no clue what more He possibly wanted me to add to this message. So I sat in silence for a couple hours longer, seeking, listening and searching. Finally, He revealed to me the last part of my message- an apology. “Wait, what? Me? I’m the one that got hurt. I’m the one that has to relive that situation and be in pain every time it comes up. What would I possibly need to apologize for??” My thoughts exactly. What God showed me next truly hit me and humbled me in a way I never was before. He revealed that hate that had been in my heart, the anger I had been burying, was all towards this one person. And for that, I needed to apologize to him/her for. Then, He revealed the verse I mentioned at the beginning (Romans 5:8) and He said to me, “I died to forgive your sins knowing that you may never ask to be forgiven. I show you new grace every single morning. You’ve made mistakes that I have forgiven you for. Who are you to say that he/she is less worthy of forgiveness than you?” Wow. So true. That hit me so hard…but in a good way. God forgives me every single morning. If the King of Kings can forgive me, there is not a single reason that I cannot forgive someone who hurt me. So I sincerely apologized to this person for the hate I had towards them in my heart and for not showing the love, grace, and forgiveness that God shows me. That was possibly the most difficult thing that God has ever asked me to do. However, right before I hit the send button, He sent a wave a peace over my whole body. I knew I said exactly what He wanted me to say.
In 100% total honesty, I have not felt so free in four years. Every time I forgave someone, someone else would come along and hurt me and I’d need to work on forgiving them. I found myself in this constant cycle, and the truth is, that’s life. People are going to hurt you, some may even break you to pieces. But you can skip the whole cycle of being let down and trying to get back up by remembering one simple word- “grace”. Know that people are going to hurt you. Know that people are going to lie to you and let you down. We are humans. We all make mistakes. Our job as Christians is to show everyone the grace of God that transcends all understanding. Forgiveness should not be a struggle, rather a joy. An opportunity to show Christ’s love and grace. Today, I have SO much joy inside of me! Joy that is steady, lasting and defeats discouragement! Joy that comes from the Lord! For the first time in four years, I finally feel like the me that God has created me to be. A person that forgives and loves. A person that is full of joy and peace and overflowing with the presence of the Holy Spirit!
Don’t let sin and Satan turn you into someone that God did not design you to be. But instead, show God’s love, mercy, grace and forgiveness to everyone who has hurt you…even if they don’t ask for it. Because there is so much freedom in forgiveness and even more joy that comes with freedom.
