When i first got to Romania i was asked by my missions host Raul what i thought my gift was, i answered by saying mine was vulnerability and i thought that meant that I was an open book with my story and had no trouble talking about my previous choices in life…oh boy was i wrong.
The other night during my one month debrief i was asked to speak about something the lord had done in my life through blogging and when I spoke what the lord put on my heart, i couldn’t help but cry, and I absolutely hate crying in front of people, in fact it was the first time i had cried or shown any TRUE emotion to my whole squad. This was because i had always thought that crying was just a sign of weakness. i have learned that it is actually a form of strength…and it is also a form of TRUE vulnerability.
Over this last month i have learned that i am not as vulnerable as I previously thought, i really tapped into being vulnerable when i spoke at debrief. I spoke about the letters i wrote to my parents on my last blogs and also about my past biological parents, how i was adopted, and how that eventually became a hinderance between my adopted parents and my relationship with them and how it caused me to treat them horribly in ways they absolutely did not deserve it. Just that right there is huge part of my testimony.
I eventually moved into how choosing to embrace my heavenly father in my life caused our relationship to blossom and caused me to love them more than anything or anyone physically on this earth and that me deciding to blog to them letters was not just some other blog to me or some other way to get funding. It was just me wanting to let them know that i was their son and that i loved them and that i was so happy and so honored to call such loving servants of Jesus and of those around them mom and dad.
The last bit of my talk was about how important the blogs actually were to those who read them and how God had shown his faithfulness to me through them. I spoke about how because of the blogs i had written to my parents the lord inspired one of my squad mates parents who as well have an adopted child to donate me 2000 DOLLARS!! This put me at a little under 200 dollars left to pay to be FULLY funded.
Through this little speech the holy spirt gave me the strength to cry in front of my squad for the first time and also show TRUE vulnerability. I am working on continuing to walk in this beautiful vulnerability with jesus everyday
P.S. if this was a little word vomity I apologize i have been writing this for over two weeks and I’ve been editing it for just as long so some bits may be a bit confusing i just wanted to share how i used to be a very TRANSPARENT person and am now walking with the lord to become a VULNERABLE person with him and my squad
