It has been quite a while since I have posted a blog. A lot has changed since I wrote my last blog. (which I have deleted). It hasn’t been an easy journey but it has been very worth it. Every hour I missed on sleep, every tear that rolled down my face, every opportunity I got to spend with my Heavenly Father, and every battle I had to fight. They might have been small ones yet they sure didn’t feel small.
In this new season, God has really taught me the true meaning of obedience. Obedience isn’t just following rules. The season started off with me feeling convicted. It was the first day of Collide Conference. (Youth group camp at our church). It was my first time leading a small group, I was nervous and anxious and had very high expectations on myself. That night I went to sleep feeling guilty and I couldn’t figure out if it was the enemy trying to bring me down about being a leader or God trying to speak to me. I decided the next morning that I was going to take all the girls to spend time with God but it was more for me if I’m being honest. I asked God what it was that was bothering me and He spoke to me about my trip. I was very angry at the moment because it was something I was looking forward to, I was excited to meet my squad whom I had already created relationships with. Everything was great. Fundraising was way off and I had to apply for an extension but I had faith that God would provide and everyone else around me said so.
I continued just putting it off because I didn’t want to be told from God himself that I wasn’t supposed to be going on this trip. I argued back and forth and just wanted to deal with it on my own. By Thursday I had just felt off and out of focus and more anxious knowing that training camp was coming sooner and I, in fact, wasn’t really ready. So the message that was spoken that night was titled “The Calling Shift”. When I heard that title I just knew that was for me.
In the end, I realized that my timing didn’t align with Gods timing and where he wanted me to be and do in that time. A year ago when He gave me a calling He had already placed on my heart where it was that I was going. Yet I wanted to choose where only I wanted to go and not where HE wanted me to be. That place was South Africa. It wasn’t South Africa, Cambodia, and Ecuador. It was just South Africa. For me, obedience meant doing what only God wants me to do, not what my flesh wants me to do. I learned that going to God first is what we should all do before making any decision big or small. Trusting is hard and obedience is even harder, but when you finally choose to be obedient and finally choose to trust it gets easier. It’s like you would’ve wished you did it sooner.
So this is what has happened ever since I decided to let God take control of my future and my family,
Luke 11:28 He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it”.
- My family has decided to come back to church because I TRUSTED HIM to fix what I couldn’t.
- I sleep better at night. lol
- I’m not constantly worrying about what I have to do next
- He is taking care of whatever it is I will need on this trip.
- He has blessed me multiple times because of obedience
This has taken lots of courage to talk about. I feared that people would be disappointed or upset. Even thought people would be angry because they paid for shirts for no reason and etc. But the reality is that those people who invested in my previous trip actually love me regardless and are proud. They’re even more proud because I’m acting out of obedience of what God wants for me.
Romans 15:13 “May God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
So South Africa here I come!!! See you in January!
To those who have been with me since the beginning or just started to, THANK YOU, because of YOU I get to do this, because of YOU I can chase after my calling.
xoxo,
Jo
