My name is Jeffrey Allsbrooks and I’m 35 years old. I was raised in Michigan and was raised by both my mother and father, and I have an older brother, who is married and have a niece and nephew. We grew up in a really wonderful middle class setting and because of my fathers hard work, the needs of the family were always provided. During my time in school I did not participate in many extra curricular activities, I am not sure if it was because I wasn’t very good at them, or if I didn’t care at the time to commit the extra time needed, probably a mixture of the two. At any rate, I did well enough in school, was popular enough and didn’t create many waves. After graduating high school I followed the path that many follow after graduation, college. I knew right away college was not the place for me, I skipped English class one day, came home from “class” and told my parents I was to leave in September for boot camp. I enlisted in the United States Marine Corp and off I went. It was during this time of my life that I allowed sin to start to overtake my life. I allowed myself to be consumed with excessive alcohol use, pornography and lustful behavior. While my time in the Marine Corps I maintained a committed relationship at home, needless to say I was not acting like I was in a committed relationship while away. The person I had that relationship with at the time was very spiritual, believed in God and oftentimes I ridiculed that characteristic. I fought the thought of a God that was in control and my actions proved that. All the while I was killing myself and others around me. Looking back at that time I did not realize how unconditional another person could be towards another, a very hard quality to find. She was however, even with my faults she still wanted to build a relationship. Ultimately, that relationship failed because of my refusal to recognized how my behavior was deteriorating any possibility of a healthy relationship.
At this point in my life I was out of the military and working towards the goal of becoming an RN. Got myself into another relationship I wasn’t ready for, and still behaving in the same way that caused the previous relationship to fail. Not surprisingly towards the end of nursing school, this relationship failed as well. The ending of this relationship however affected more that just the relationship between the girl and I. It also affected the relationship between my family and I. I felt betrayed by those close to me and shut people out of my life for almost two years. Prior to this, while in nursing school two events happened that started the seed of my spirituality to germinate. I saw a child born in person and I had a clinical rotation on a mental health unit. Seeing a human brought into this world in person was AMAZING and this moment certainly made me consider the possibility of something great than I. The time on the mental health unit was very interesting. I started noticing a common denominator among the younger patients, no support from a nuclear family and no God. Almost all the young adults on that unit shared the same history. Perhaps if a child has one or the other the chances of them staying out of a mental institute is better, I really do not know. At any rate, this experience certainly had me consider the positive affects a religion, or a belief in something greater than yourself, can have on a life. I believe it was because of this seed germinating that, for whatever reason, I felt the need to read a portion of the Bible. I cannot to this day remember what it was I read, it was probably something about forgiveness or really it could have been about flying around like an eagle as Isaiah speaks of. I really do not know, the point is, sitting in my bed reading a Bible for the first time, The Holy Spirit spoke to me, though I did not know what The Holy Spirit was. I forgave who I perceived as the one who persecuted me, I cannot describe that moment, but I let the anger go and it felt like a million pounds came off my shoulder. You think I would have realized the power the Lord can have to change someones perspective after that experience, but I was not yet ready.
After a year or so into nursing I got involved in another relationship, having learned from my behavior with the previous rounds of intimacy, I figured I had that whole thing figured out. I had been able to cease from many of the lustful entrapments that got me into trouble previously, however I would still look at pornography from time to time. Again, the relationship drifted apart and ended. The ending of this relationship was different from the others, she was the one to break it off at the end. The previous two relationships I allowed the chaos to get so bad I couldn’t stand it anymore so I would break the relationship, leaving the other person to figure out what happened. Looking back that was an important step I needed to take, I started thinking what is wrong with me, I started looking for answers from within. Most of the answers came from literature of some sorts, I discovered The Five Love Languages and that revealed quite a bit of knowledge I was lacking that contributed to me being rejected. It also allowed me to not be quite as hurt because of the rejection. At this point, although I was gaining knowledge I had not yet fully recognized our Lord by placing my faith in Him, however, the germination process was well on its way.
I believe I took almost a year off from dating after at this point. I wanted to clear my head and really wanted the next one to be it, the relationship in which we would get married, produce a kid or two and ride off into the sunset kinda thing. My next relationship would be the one that would be the deal breaker between me going on my own, and what is now my walking with Christ. I had learned a lot in my previous relationships, what to do, what not to do etc. I thought I had it figured out by now, again. The love I had in this relationship purged all of the sinful behavior that once contributed to my intimate relationships to deteriorate. But still, failure. When this relationship failed it left me devastated. Looking back at my previous relationships I could clearly see were it was a majority of my actions that led to the downfalls, this one was different, there were forces outside of my control that I was not prepared to respond to appropriately. I felt betrayed, lonely, attacked, emotionally and physically drained, in other words DEAD. I had everything a person seeks to build a happy life, a great career, nice house, fancy vehicles you name it, still I was brought down into a depression. I remember a night I was sitting in my house alone feeling all those emotions all at the same time thinking it would probably be better to give up on life. This was my Jonas moment, I had been swallowed by the whale and was brought far down, far enough down that I had no other choice but to cry out to the Lord for help.
Sitting in that empty room consumed in those thoughts that were bringing me down, I got up crying, grabbed a Bible and went into my room and prayed to our Lord. I spoke to the Lord, told Him and I gave up and I asked for insight. That night I allowed Him into to my life to take control. Over the next few months The Holy Spirit started guiding my awareness. For me, He spoke and offered his knowledge through people. I remember I was at work and one of the Priests that would round at the hospital came right up to me and ask what was wrong, he knew. I started crying and he offered a book for me to read. I bought it and read it, it was perfect for what I needed at that moment. Then a friend suggested a therapist that she had been guided by, I went, the therapist was great, is great as he is still a good friend. If I was reading a book and that book quoted from another author and book, I would immediately buy that book. Looking back I can see clearly how He was building my knowledge bit by bit, compounding insights slowly enough to grasp those concepts and implementing them into my life. Over the next year I read over 50 books and was exposing myself to podcasts that were offering many insights that I needed as well. I had become a man on a mission, I would read or listen something and things would just click. God is so good, He exposed me to such a variety of information in that year, I had read about scientific advances about the mind, ancient to modern psychological literature, meditation and self help. I was becoming, because of what The Holy Spirit taught me, very well rounded in terms of how the mind works and how we act as humans. All this information has allowed me to see clearly all the breakdowns of my past, my role in them and how to reconcile damaged relationships.
After about ten months of this, I called my aunt, during this discussion she had suggested someone I should look into. I ended up picking up a book called The Hidden Treasures in the Book of Job. Also, through my reading I ended up reading a book called Peace of Soul, I credit these two specific books as the two that The Holy Spirit used to bring me to the Bible. I finally decided to read the Bible in its entirety. I was blown away, God had prepped me in such the perfect way to be able to read His word. Having being exposed to so many viewpoints prior, all the concepts I had previously been exposed to I was reading within the ancient text of the Bible. Praise God!! It truly is the book of life. I read the Bible in its entirety in one month, after finishing its reading I knew what I had to do next. I decided to get Baptized. I got Baptized on October 7th, 2018 and publicly announced that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Since then things have REALLY started to change. The Holy Spirit has been even more active, over the last six months He has placed specific people into my life to further my faith in Him and build my trust in Him. All that knowledge He has given has RADICALLY changed the way I view the world. In every way my life is changing and changing for the better. I recently thought about if I had the chance to go back and change anything from my past, would I. I honestly can say I wouldn’t, all things led me to the faith I have now. I wound not risk changing anything from my past that would possibly have prevented me from placing my faith and hope in Jesus. I have found love eternal, I would not risk losing that.
Over the last few months I have been feeling an even growing desire to live for Him in an even larger way. I had been ministering every chance I get while at the bedside nursing, and the response from patients and family members have been great. I have felt that I was being urged to go into a different direction. Noticing this urge, I had been praying and asking the Lord show me where He wants me to be and what you want He wanted me to do. One day I was talking to a patient family member about my faith and how it has changed my life and she had told me about Adventures in Missions and The World Race. Much like the moment in my room years ago, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders, The Holy Spirit was answering my call. I took the suggestion that I should try to join The World Race. So I applied, got accepted and here I am. In the next few months and over the next year I am so excited to see what God has in store for me, and just how He is going to use me for His purpose. I have much work to do in the near and distant future as I continue to build my relationship with Christ. I am so excited to share this experience with you all, I hope that following my experiences over the next year, and in the years to come, will help continue to build your relationship with Jesus Christ and motivate you to serve in anyway He guides you as well. I hope and pray that if you have not yet come to know Jesus Christ, by following the path He has set me on, you come to know Him and choose to accept His grace and start following Him as well. Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and I hope you follow along with me on this journey.
“To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek Him the greatest adventure; to find Him, the greatest human achievement.” – St Augustine
God bless,
Jeff
